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find that Sean wasstanding right behind me and that if he hadn’t been a few centimetres taller than me we would have been standing nose to nose. As it was we were standing my nose to his chin. Reluctantly I looked up at him and he smiled down at me.
    “Let’s just go,” I said, backing out into the hall, because despite the high likelihood that I would bump into an adult or a friend, it seemed like the safest option just then.
    The adults were all outside sitting around the pool, and Nydia, Gabe and Anne-Marie were still watching the film, so it was easy enough for us to sneak out.
    Sean had called a cab company and asked them to pick us up on the corner of the street. As we walked down the road the whole of Hollywood was laid out beneath us, as if the world had turned upside down and the sky full of stars had been laid at our feet.
    “One of those twinkling lights belongs to your father,” I said to Sean.
    “I know,” Sean said quietly.
    “Sean, he was really, really horrible to you,” I said. “Are you sure you want to see him?”
    “I think so,” Sean said, and just as the cab pulled up to the curb he picked up my hand and held it, not letting go for the whole of the journey.
    “Can you wait for us?” Sean asked the driver. He’d been careful not to be Sean Rivers superstar in the car. He switched that part of himself off, like I’d seen him do so many times before. People would walk past him and look at him, and they might think they knew him from somewhere, but they wouldn’t know where. But Sean wanted the taxi to wait, and taxis don’t wait around for just any old teenager, so I watched in awe as he switched Sean Rivers back on when we got out.
    “Sure, I’ll wait for you, Sean,” the driver said. “My daughter loves you. Will you give me your autograph?”
    “No problem,” Sean said.
    He’d let go of my hand briefly as he gave the driver some money and his signature, but as we turned to face the offices of the Pat Rivers Talent Agency he grabbed it again. It felt strange, my hand in his. Sean and I had been friends for ages now. He often put his arm around me or gave me a hug. It never once seemed strange, or made me feel funny. Of course he was holding my hand. He was nervous about seeing his dad and he wanted the support of a good friend, of me. Sean didn’t know that for some reason holding hands with him was making my stupid heart race at a million miles an hour. And as long as he never knew that I supposed it didn’t matter. I’d just have to hope I didn’t die of a heart attack before we’d finished visiting his dad.
    Sure enough the lights were still on in the agency and there was even a very tired, bored-looking receptionist sitting behind a glass desk in the foyer.
    “Sean.” I pulled him back just as he was about to walk into the office.
    “Yes?” He looked at me.
    “Well, your dad’s been right here all along, this address has been in the Yellow Pages all along. You could have looked him up on the Internet, or phoned him any time. But you didn’t. So why now?”
    Sean looked up at his father’s name displayed in pulsating lights over the doorway. “I miss him, Ruby,” he said almost apologetically.
    “He bullied you!” I said.
    “I know, and I hated him for that, but he’s my dad. We were together a long time. I hate him, but I love him and I miss him. I want a dad around. You get that, don’t you?”
    I nodded. I did get that. When my mum and dad split up, the worst thing about it was Dad not being at home any more. His shoes weren’t at the bottom of the stairs; his toothbrush wasn’t in the bathroom. It took a really long time to get used to the fact that he was still my dad, only he didn’t live in the same place. He told terrible jokes and wore clothes that were far too young for him, but he’d never hit me, or forced me to do something I didn’twant to. At the end of the day, I supposed, a dad is a dad, and you love the one you’ve got even if he’s