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what if the wise men don’t come back?”
    Herod paused. Maybe he heard or maybe not, but he wasn’t worried about it yet. He yawned again, ignored Baal’s insistence that he stay and think it over, and went to bed.
    When I was sure nothing else was going to happen that night, I flew as fast as I could to catch up with the wise men’s caravan. Finding an empty camel, I hopped on and rode with them all the way to Bethlehem. It was early morning when we arrived. I was a little worried when I saw Joseph was outside getting water from the well. Maybe he hadn’t heard the angel’s warning after all.
    I knew this might happen. Why do angels and demons always think they know more about humans than I do?
    When Joseph saw the royal entourage pull up in the front yard, he reached for his staff.
    “We’ve come in peace,” Gaspar said.
    “What do you want?” Joseph was naturally suspicious.
    “We’ve come to see the child who was born of a virgin.”
    Born of a virgin? The heralding angels didn’t say anything about a virgin. When God promised David an heir who would rule forever and save His people, He didn’t mention one word about being born of a virgin. I was there; I heard the whole thing. I wouldn’t have missed a detail like that.
    “We mean you no harm. We’ve come to bring gifts to the child and His mother. Let us pay homage to Him, and we’ll be on our way.”
    “They’re inside,” Joseph said. “Come in and I’ll show you.”
    Why didn’t Joseph challenge the born-of-a-virgin part? Unless it’s true. But that’s ridiculous. How could a virgin be pregnant? Why didn’t I pay more attention?
    The kings bowed down in front of Mary and Jesus. They offered expensive gifts like frankincense and myrrh and gold. Balthazar was the first to speak.
    “Tell us how it happened, my lady. When did you know?”
    “It was when my cousin Elizabeth was in the sixth month of her pregnancy. One night an angel of the Lord named Gabriel appeared to me in my house. I was terrified. Then he told me not to fear because he was there to bring me good news if I would agree.”
    Gabriel visited her?
    “Please go on,” Gaspar encouraged her.
    “The angel told me that I would become pregnant by Ruah Ha Kadosh, and the child I would birth would be called the Son of the most high God, and then God would give Him David’s throne.”
    That is the most ridiculous excuse I’ve ever heard an out-of-wedlock mother use.
    “So I asked the angel how such a thing could be since I was a virgin. The angel said Ruah Ha Kadosh would overtake me, and I would be found with child. The baby would be born, and His name would be Jesus.”
    Sorry, Mary. These men know where babies come from. Even if you and Joseph got a little ahead of yourselves, it still works; you’re both descendants of David.
    “Behold the Son of God.” Melchior knelt in front of the baby.
    Oh, for heaven’s sake, you people will believe anything. This baby is the Messiah, promised by God but not related to God. God has only one Son, and let me tell you, that’s not Him.
    I made my way through the kneeling kings and piles of gifts and got right in front of the baby as He sat on Mary’s lap.
    “Hey, there little fellow.” I tickled His chin. “Let’s show them who you are and who you are not.”
    “Now you people listen up,” I said to the kings and parents. “I know this is wasted on you, but let us be clear, this little guy is the Messiah but not the Son of God. Pay attention to what I’m going to do here.”
    I took Jesus by the little hands and looked into his eyes.
    “Adonai, are you in there?”
    No response.
    “See, I told you so.” I stood up and released the baby’s hands, but He wouldn’t let go of mine.
    “You’ve got quite the grip there, little man,” I cooed to Him as I tried to wiggle free.
    Whomp.
    He pulled me back down to His eye level and laughed. Then He winked at me just like before. He let go of me, and I slammed facedown to the