Read A Woman Lost for Free Online

I was thinking. But I was going to tell you when I got home. I had no idea it would turn into an all-day affair.” She winced at the word affair and I instantly regretted my word choice.
    “Why are you so mysterious all of the time? Sometimes I feel like I don’t even know who you are. Why can’t you just let me in? Half the time, I wonder if you even want to be with me.”
    I remembered what Maddie had said and it took everything I had not to smile when I pictured her punching my shoulder.
    “I’m so sorry.” I took Sarah into my arms. “I don’t try to keep you out of my life. God, Sarah, who knows why I’m so private? It just happens. Can we just agree that I’m a moron?” I held her really tight.
    She whispered, “Sometimes, I don’t like you.”
    For the first time in quite some time, I felt something for Sarah. I looked at her and my smile was genuine. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I’m so sorry I hurt you.”
    She looked shocked. At first, I didn’t know why. Then I felt her wipe a tear from my cheek. She kissed my forehead and rested her head against my shoulder. “Please, Lizzie,” she whispered. “Just let me in every once in a while.”
    I nodded and kissed her. “I will.” At that moment, I meant it. I really meant it.
    Sarah’s eyes hardened. “Lizzie, I love you, but I won’t be with a liar. No more lies.”
    I promised.
    * * *
    “I truly meant it, Ethan. When I said it, I meant it.” We were sitting in our usual spot, the coffee shop, on our usual day, Saturday. I had just finished explaining the past few days to him.
    He stared at me while he sipped his coffee.
    I downed a significant amount of my chai and then exclaimed, “Damn! That’s hot, hot, hot.”
    Ethan chuckled. “Man I used to love that song.”
    “What are you talking about? A song about a girl burning herself while drinking a chai?” I waved my hand in an attempt to cool my burning tongue.
    “No, you idiot. The song ‘Hot Hot Hot’ by The Cure. Check it out. It’s a fun song. You can’t always listen to audiobooks, you know.”
    “Why aren’t you saying anything about the real topic instead of some stupid song?”
    “Lizzie, there’s nothing I can say. You have painted yourself into quite the corner.” He was staring at the barista.
    “What, are we going to talk in code today? The man with the yellow hat owns a monkey.”
    He chuckled. “I loved Curious George when I was little, too.” He placed both hands behind his head and leaned back in his chair.
    “That’s great, Ethan. Let’s not talk about my situation. Let’s discuss children’s literature.”
    He could tell I was upset. “Don’t get mad at me, Lizzie. You should be mad at yourself.”
    “I … I know. How do I get into these situations?” I banged my hand on the table and almost spilled my chai.
    “You do have a knack for it. I don’t know what to tell you. It took you forever to let me in, and I know you haven’t even let me in completely. It’s just how you are. Sarah will have to accept that about you. The question is: do you want to stay with her?” He stared at me intensely.
    I stared back into his Coke-bottle glasses. “What do you mean?”
    “You convinced her that you love her by squeezing out a few tears. But ask yourself why there were tears. Were you sad? Or were you just so overwhelmed with the situation that you didn’t know what to do? I’ve seen you almost cry here when they were out of chai. You’re so wound up all of the time that sometimes you crack. What made you crack that day? Also, you aren’t the most honest person. You have a way of telling people what you think they want to hear and not how you feel.”
    Right then, my cell phone rang. I stared at it for a second before I answered. “Hello.”
    “Hey, Lizzie. It’s Maddie. How are you doing?”
    “Hi, Maddie. I’m doing well. What are you up to today?” I looked at Ethan to keep him quiet.
    He stared at me in disbelief.
    “Hey, we’re leaving