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back to
their conversation while Pru and Mars start talking about a test in
some class they have together. I’d heard an old wives’ tale about
how odd-numbered groups of friends never survive and I’m starting
to think that is the case with us. Who do I have when the group
pairs up?
    I’m not really sure where the idea came from
(probably from an overwhelming desire not to be alone) but I say it
out loud before I have a chance to stop and think about it. “Hey,
since no one has said anything about weekend plans, how ‘bout you
all come over to my house for a movie night? I’m sure my parents
will supply pizza or something.”
    “Yeah! I haven’t been to your house in
forever.” Mars looks genuinely excited.
    Pru nods in agreement.
    “I never turn down free pizza,” Liz smiles.
Even she seems happy, calmer even. I like Liz calm.
    “Um…” Amanda seems caught off guard. “Yeah I
guess. I was tired of having everyone over to my house all the time
anyway.” She glares at me when no one else is looking. She must
have been planning to forget to invite me to something else. Beat
her to it. At least I wasn’t refusing to invite her. It hadn’t
really occurred to me that I could sink to her level, but it makes
me feel a little better about myself knowing I didn’t. It’s the
first not-bad day I’ve had in awhile.
     
    To: William Davis
    Message: Hey, Will. The fortune
cookies still aren’t speaking to me, or maybe they are and I’m just
not listening. I haven’t bothered with Chinese food since you
died.
    But if the universe won’t talk to me, I’m
just going to have to start putting my fate in my own hands. You
were big into making your own fate, especially once you went to
‘“That Place”’. I was always the one who wanted the universe to
present me a solution. Funny how that ended up for us. But I guess
no amount of faith or effort can change the past.
    Things seem to be working out a little,
though. Maybe if I just force myself to make my own fate things
will start working out? I mean, it obviously won’t bring you back,
but it could bring my friends back. You think? I don’t know. Have
you ever thought about how life works, and if we can just tell
ourselves something’s going to happen and then it will? Or maybe we
believe it’ll happen so badly we make it happen without realizing
it? Or maybe I need to be more realistic? I guess that’s what
‘“That Place”’ taught you, or tried to. I wonder if I tell myself
to stop hurting when I think about you it’ll stop? I’m not sure I
want that, though. I’m just glad I still feel something when I
think about you. Not feeling anything for someone, not even painful
feelings: that’s how you know you don’t care about someone anymore.
I never want to forget to care about you. Do you still care about
me wherever you are? Well, I hope you do.
     

 
    “ A true friend and an honest
man are worth their weight in gold.”

    My parents couldn’t have been more excited
when I told them the girls are coming over. I guess it really has
been awhile since I was actively social. I know most teens lie to
their parents so they can get away with stuff, but sometimes I want
to lie to them to make them feel better, like lie that I am going
to a party and then sneak back into my room to do homework or
something. But tonight I have plans for real. It is the night of my
little group gathering and I’m starting to think I’ve been putting
way too much importance on such a little event. I guess I’m just
trying to be an optimist about something. I haven’t done anything
with my friends outside of school since the summer. That could be
the reason I feel so out of touch… Well…it could.
    I get back from school and try to make our
basement look festive. There really isn’t that much I can do, so I
just make sure it looks clean and there are plenty of movies to
pick from. We never really watched the movies though; we’d start
with the best of intentions but