Read Cravings for Free Online

me uncomfortable.
    "I love the fact that I can make you blush now," he said.
    "I don't."
    He laughed, but there was something in his eyes that was more serious than
laughter. "I need to tell you something, in private, before you go running off,
though."
    I didn't like how suddenly serious he was. I'd learned in the last few months
that Jason used his teasing and laughter as a shield to hide a rather insightful
intelligence that was sometimes so preceptive it was painful. I didn't like his
request for privacy either. What couldn't he say in front of Micah and
Nathaniel? And why?
    Out loud I said, "Okay." I started off to the far side of the parking lot
away from the Jeep.
    When the shade of the trees that edged the church parking lot lay cool above
us, I stopped and turned to Jason. "What's up?"
    "The thing on the dance floor was sort of my fault."
    "In what way, your fault?"
    He actually looked embarrassed, which you didn't see much from Jason. "He
wanted to know how I got to have sex with you, real sex, the very first time I
helped feed the ardeur."
    "Technically, it was the second," I said.
    He frowned at me. "Yeah, but that was when the ardeur was brand new and we
didn't have intercourse, and there were three other men in the bed."
    I turned away so the dark would help hide the blush, though truthfully he
could probably smell it hot on my skin. "Sorry I brought it up. You were
saying?"
    "He's been in your bed for what, five months?"
    "Something like that," I said.
    "And he's not had intercourse yet. Hell, he's not had orgasm, not real orgasm
with like release and everything."
    I couldn't blush harder or my head would explode. "I'm listening."
    "Anita, you can't keep pretending that Nathaniel isn't real."
    "That's not fair."
    "Maybe not, but I had no idea that you weren't at least doing him orally or
by hand, or watching him do himself. Something, anything."
    I just shook my head and looked at the ground. I couldn't think of anything
good to say. If I hadn't just had my metaphysical peek inside Nathaniel's head,
I would probably have gotten angry, or rude. But I'd seen too far into
Nathaniel's pain, and I couldn't pretend anymore. Couldn't ignore it.
    "I thought that by not doing the final stuff that it would make it easier for
him when the ardeur gets under control and I don't need a
pomme de sang
anymore."
    "Is that still your idea, to just dump him when you have enough control that
you don't need to feed?"
    "What am I supposed to do with him? Keep him like a pet, or a really big
child?"
    "He's not a child, and he's not a pet," Jason said, and the first hint of
anger was in his voice.
    "I know that, and that's the problem, Jason. If the ardeur hadn't come up I'd
have been Nathaniel's Nimir-Ra, and his friend, and that would have been it.
Now, suddenly he's in this category that I don't even have a name for."
    "He's your
pomme de sang
like I'm Jean-Claude's."
    "You and Jean-Claude aren't fucking, and nobody gets upset about that."
    "No, because he lets me date. I have lovers if I want them."
    "I've been encouraging Nathaniel to date. I want him to have girlfriends."
    "And your not-so-subtly encouraging him to look at other women made him turn
to me for advice."
    "What do you mean?" I asked.
    "He doesn't want to date other people. He wants to be with you, and Micah,
and the vampires. He doesn't want another woman in his life."
    "I am not the woman in his life."
    "Yes, you are, you just don't want to be."
    I leaned against one of the narrow tree trunks. "Oh, Jason, what am I going
to do?"
    "Finish what you started with Nathaniel, be his lover."
    I shook my head. "I don't want that."
    "The hell you don't. I watch the way you react around him."
    "Lust isn't enough, Jason. I don't love him."
    "I'd argue that, too."
    "I don't love him the way I need to."
    "Need to, for what, Anita? Need to for your conscience? Your sense of
morality? Just give him some of what he needs, Anita. Don't break yourself