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sent out four proclamations, the last one offering free jelly demons, 22 and all we’ve got are five pimply nerds with clipboards and bad breath.’

    â€˜Yes, where are the jelly demons?’ said the fourth.
    â€˜Nmm ghh nnnnn,’ said Nerlin, which meant, There are no jelly demons, because I am eating them.
    â€˜I wonder if we can get a refund on the chairs,’ said Mordonna.
    â€˜Do we have to make one of them Prime Minister?’ said Nerlin.
    â€˜No,’ said Mordonna. ‘There is a Transylvania Waters law that says the King is automatically Prime Minister for ever. As you know, my father was an evil dictator and he made the law.’
    â€˜Excellent,’ said Nerlin. ‘I know we decided to get rid of all the terrible laws your father made, but in this case I think we can make an exception.’
    â€˜We still need some Members of Parliament,’ said Mr Hulbert, ‘and I dread to think what those five out there would pass laws about, but one thing’s for sure: life would become much more boring.’
    â€˜I have an idea,’ whispered Mordonna.
    One of the nerds stood up and began to speak,but then he thought about it, looked at the other four and sat down.
    â€˜You wanted to say something?’ said Nerlin.
    â€˜Yes, but I haven’t been elected to speak by my four companions,’ said the nerd. ‘So I’m not sure I should.’
    â€˜Hands up if you are happy to be represented by this person,’ said Mr Hulbert.
    The other four put up their hands.
    â€˜Though we do reserve the right to renegotiate the leadership, should our de-facto leader prove unsatisfactory,’ said one of the nerds.
    â€˜OK,’ said Nerlin. ‘I’m not sure what you just said, but go ahead and say what it was you wanted to tell us all.’
    The first nerd, or it might have been one of the other because in their beige anoraks they all looked the same, even down to the pimples and fluff on their chins, stood up and, consulting his clipboard, began to speak.
    â€˜I represent the remaining nought-point-three per cent of the population who want to see progressin this country and, as my four friends and I are the only people here, we, the Point-Three Party, are the biggest party in this government and therefore claim the right to rule and make the decisions about our future.’
    â€˜So you five claim to represent the wishes of the people and the right to make all the laws, do you?’ said Mr Hulbert, who realised he was actually enjoying all this.
    â€˜Yes.’
    â€˜Five of you?’
    â€˜Yes.’
    Nerlin and Mr Hulbert whispered to each other while Mordonna sat there with a smile on her face. It was the sort of smile that said, Whatever anyone has to say is irrelevant because I have a better plan, but I’ll let you prattle on for a bit before I reveal my plan, just to make you feel all the more annoyed when I do reveal it.
    The nerds sat there muttering to each other and writing things on their clipboards.
    â€˜We want high-speed internet, digital TV,traffic lights at every crossroad and some traffic …’ the nerd leader began.
    Mordonna stood up and looked round the room with a big smile on her face.
    â€˜You do, do you?’ she said.
    â€˜Err, umm, err, yes,’ said the nerd. ‘And bacon.’
    Everyone, even the remaining nought-point-three per cent, knew how powerful Mordonna was. Most people had a story about how somebody had crossed her and been turned into something very unpleasant like a septic tank or a history teacher with a wooden leg full of termites. So the nerd was very nervous.
    â€˜Don’t be nervous, young man,’ Mordonna said in that sweet, friendly, terrifying voice she kept for special occasions. ‘The thing is that you are not the largest political party, so you are merely the opposition.’
    â€˜I don’t see anyone else here,’ said the least nervous