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ugly shadow these days.” She inhaled long and slow, keeping her eyes on me. Then she blew a cloud of smoke in my face. “Get the fuck out of here.”
    The next day I saw her waiting for the school counselor. She stared at me as I sat down and tried to focus on one of the stupid posters in the office.
    “Why are you in here?” She asked. “Does your Mom always have her mouth on a bottle or a dick that doesn’t belong to your father, too?”
    I said nothing, because she’s gross, so I waited quietly for my turn with Ms. Phillipe. She replaced the old counselor in November and it was December and I guess she’d gotten to the M section in her case file reading. Damn.
    “Oh, I know. Your sister’s death is fucking you up right? I’ve heard. Don’t sweat it. We’re only stuck here a few years and as long as we can party it’s all good.”
    I still said nothing.
    “Kara?”
    Pretty Ms. Phillipe looked like she just graduated from college and smiled way too much to be working in an urban public high school. I hated her already.
    “Hmm, says in your file that the last counselor was quite concerned about you, and how you’re dealing with your sister’s death, or rather, how you aren’t dealing with it.”
    I wish I could’ve seen my notes from the last counselor—from here they looked endless, even though we didn’t talk very much. I’ll bet it said I was at risk, cutting, eating disorders, suicide . . .
    “I hated my sister. She was horrible.”
    “Well that’s an unusual reaction to someone dying.”
    “Do they teach you that in counselor school? No one handles death the same way. Maybe you were absent the day they covered that.” I looked down, staring at my fingernails because I didn’t usually talk to authority that way. I tried to make up for it. “My sister wasn’t normal and you don’t know how horrible she was to me.”
    Ms. Phillipe adjusted her scarf and I saw the flush of red at the base of her neck. “It’s just that—”
    The phone rang, cutting her off. She answered and told whoever was on the other line that she was “Melanie Phillipe, School Counselor” and she sounded so proud saying it, I wonder if it was her first time using the school phone.
    Her eyes locked on me, and even though she’s puny, I sensed trouble.
    “Oh. I’ll send her right out.” She hung up. “That was your mother. She’s here to pick you up for your, um, appointment with the gynecologist.” Ms. Phillipe looked at me as though maybe I wasn’t just dealing with Kellen’s death but maybe I was a slut, too. Her face was red and she looked away.
    When I got outside, I knew for damn sure Mom was not taking me to the gyno. And she wasn’t in the office.
    “Kara, dear,” the secretary called out to me. “Your mom is outside in the car. Please tell her next time to come in and sign you out. That’s school policy but I’ll let it slide this time.”
    When I walked out to the front, Noelle stood there.
    “Let’s get coffee? It’s right next to your gynecologist’s office.”
    She smiled, just a quick flash, and then it was gone, and I stood there wondering if I should go back to math class or to Ms. Phillipe.
    Then I saw Gaby walking and she stared at me like she didn’t recognize the best friend she ditched.
    I nodded. “Yeah let’s go.”
    We spent the rest of the school day drinking lattes and gorging on donuts and making fun of Ms. Phillipe and the other faculty we hated. We never said one word about my sister and it was the best day I’d had in a really long time. I made it back in time to get the bus and she disappeared with some guy into the smoker woods.

6. Glaze and add sprinkles.
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    Charlie Norton walks by, smiling at me as he heads back to the kitchen. I’m hoping he didn’t see me follow him to church.
    I only notice Noelle has come back from the bathroom when I get a Snowflake Sugar packet in the eye. One of her eyebrows is