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chick with a
    baby, who lives with her
    parents, who are going to
    bust her anyway.”
    [Shut the hell up.] Bree
    talking, damn her sharp,
    irritating whisper. [Don’t
    talk too much, keep your
    (my) temper in check, leave
    the ranting to Mom and Scott,
    you’ll (we’ll) be just fine.
    And whatever you do,
    leave your conscience—
    and confessions—behind.]
    I sit in bed, arguing
    with myself until the sun
    peeks up over the eastern
    hills, eyes almost as red
    as mine must be. Just about
    the time the sky shimmers
    light, Hunter wakes up.
    I go to him quickly, hustle
    into the kitchen to fix him
    a bottle, kissing him quiet.
    Since Mom was up so
    incredibly late last night
    (worrying about me!)
    [hey, conscience, remember?],
    she might just sleep in.
    Maybe she’ll be so rested
    that she’ll only give me
    the second degree. I’m
    sure not in any mood
    for the third.

B ut It’s Saturday
    Mom and a friend of hers
    always go to the gym early
    to work out. Which means
    no way will she sleep in.
    She pads into the kitchen,
    notices I’m feeding Hunter.
    Glad to see you made it home
    okay. What time did you get in?
    I suppose I could lie, but
    that’s just stupid. “Around
    four thirty, I guess. I’ll take
    a nap when Hunter does.”
    Mom gives me a solid once-
    over, but if she notices
    anything, keeps it to herself.
    So how was the college fair?
    College fair? Oh, yeah.
    “Okay, I guess. It’s a
    pretty nice campus and all.
    Robyn seems to like it.”
    She looks at me harder.
    Robyn’s at UOP, isn’t she?
    I thought you said the college
    fair was in Sacramento.
    One thing meth is good
    for—manufacturing lies
    sans hesitation. “I always mix
    up Stockton and Sacramento.”
    She stares me straight in
    the eye. Good thing you
    didn’t mix them up when
    you were behind the wheel.
    “Heh-heh. Yeah, you’re
    right. Oops. Smells like
    Hunter’s breakfast went
    right through him….”
    I start to get up, but Mom
    puts a severe hand on my
    arm. One second. I need to
    talk to you about something.
    I swallow hard. Does
    she hear Bree’s voice
    in my mouth, see the
    monster in my eyes? “What?”
    Leigh called. She’s planning
    on coming home for your
    birthday. I thought it might be
    a good time to baptize Hunter.
    Relief floods my face
    like a hot, red tidal wave.
    “Baptize Hunter? Oh.
    Yeah. Well, I guess so.”
    Good. I’ll talk to Pastor
    Keith at church tomorrow
    morning. You should
    think about godparents.
    Jeez, is that it? Inquisition
    over? “Godparents. Right.
    Meanwhile, diaper patrol.”
    I make a hasty exit.
    Hmm. Baptize Hunter? I’ve
    never considered it, let alone
    who I’d want to take care
    of him, should something
    bad happen to me. I don’t
    have any friends who could
    fill such big shoes. Mom
    and Scott? Can grandparents
    be godparents? Maybe Leigh?
    But would I have to name her
    partner, too? And how would
    Pastor Keith feel about that?
    Thoughts and ideas volley
    back and forth in my head.
    I put Hunter in his swing,
    watch him rock along.
    I feel exhilarated. I feel rotten.
    I know I’ve made a terrible
    mistake. I’m ecstatic that
    I found a way to make it.

M om Leaves for the Gym
    Now I have to face Scott,
    who finally comes downstairs,
    “pissed” written all over his face.
    Well, look who decided to
    grace us with her presence.
    I can’t believe how rude you are.
    I didn’t have to take it from
    Mom. Should I take it from
    husband number two? “Sorry.”
    Yeah, whatever. Just don’t
    expect to borrow one of our
    cars again anytime soon.
    All the more reason to find
    a way to keep my own vehicle
    in tip-top shape. “I won’t.”
    Did you apologize to your
    mother? She sat up half
    the night, worrying about you.
    Irritation blossoms. And I’m
    starting to want another
    little toot. “Yes, I apologized.”
    Damn straight. Kristina, you’re
    a mom yourself now. Can you
    not relate, just a little bit?
    Like Hunter is going to
    borrow a car and stay out all
    night