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? That ice chick froze her sister into an ice sculpture, but it didn’t mean that she didn’t love her. My sister is like a beautiful bird with shiny feathers … and a peanut-sized brain. I’ve seen Ivy do some really stupid things like use hot glue to apply fake fingernails. She once asked me if the sun and the moon were the same thing.
    So you can imagine how surprised I was when my sister suggested something that hadn’t occurred to my paranoia-addled brain. “Ivy,” I said as I slid out of my blanket cocoon, “I think you might be a genius.”
    Ivy sat down on the bed next to me. “I wouldn’t say that. I just don’t watch as much Criminal Minds as you so my common sense is still intact.” On that last phrase, I closed my laptop just as the forensics department was carrying away the villain’s splattered dead body.
    “So on a less morbid topic, I joined a club at school!” Ivy said gleefully.
    It took me a moment to remember our previous conversation about finding a hobby or activity. To be honest, I didn’t really care. I mean, I had to email the maybe-murderer back and then find a threatening-looking chaperone to go with me when I pick up the tickets. Can you really blame me for not being super-interested in Ivy’s high school club?
    “Oh really?” I asked, even though I was pulling out my phone to text Serena. I know that she’s mad at me and everything, but maybe she’s gotten over it and she’ll text me back.
    “I joined the fashion club!” Ivy said proudly. I almost laughed. Ivy dresses like she’s on her way to film a scene in an early 2000’s high school movie.
    “That’s great, Ivy,” I said halfheartedly as I typed a message to Serena that passionately begged her forgiveness and requested her help all at the same time.
    “You could at least try a little harder to pretend that you care,” Ivy said sadly.
    “I do care,” I replied as I pushed the send button on my iPhone. “Is Entertainment Tonight recording?”
    Ivy huffed and said, “I’ll check,” dejectedly.
    Doesn’t Ivy realize I have more important things going on than to sit and chat about fashion club? My whole life is a fashion club. But couture fashion.
     
     
    Later, 10:30pm—Home
     
    Serena finally texted me back! I am saved! She says that she accepts my apology (it took her long enough, I’ve only left her a hundred apology texts and voicemails) and that she wants to continue being friends. I tried to call her but when she answered the phone she just whispered, “I’m backstage at Jimmy Kimmel, I’ll call you later,” and then hung up.
    I guess that is how Hollywood apologies work.
     
     
    Later, 11:15pm—Home
     
    Holy crap, Lacey just can’t catch a break. Entertainment Tonight just ran a segment comparing Lacey to Britney Spears circa her 2007 breakdown when she shaved her head. Apparently, sources are informing them that Lacey seems closer to a total meltdown every day. They’re saying she can’t handle stardom.
    Tee-hee.
     
     
    April 6 th , 9:00am—Home
     
    Mom knocked on my door a few minutes ago and said, “Hey, your driving instructor is on her way to get you,” which is arguably the worst way to wake up. I think that my mother has been conspiring against me. Why else would she sign me up for a class and then neglect to tell me about it with enough time to weasel my way out of it? She knows me well enough to know I would try to get out of this, which is why she only gave me twenty minutes notice to get ready for this class.
    Oh crap, I only have twenty minutes to get ready. I need to get dressed. What does one wear to drivers ed?
     
     
    Later, 12:00pm—Home
     
    I need to get rich fast so I can hire a full time chauffer to drive me around for the rest of my life because NOWAY am I driving myself anywhere. I’m not suited for it. It’s just not for me. Just like some people aren’t good at playing sports, I am not good at driving. I can sing. I can tell you all kinds of obscure