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chance to be part of this show that had turned Kelly Clarkson and Ruben Studdard into stars overnight. I couldn’t believe that Jennifer Hudson, from the South Side of Chicago, was going to get to sing onwhat was now the most-watched television show in America. I couldn’t believe that my voice was going to be heard by millions of people.
    I arrived in Los Angeles in early 2004 to start filming season three of
American Idol
. My main goal going into the auditions was to make it far enough to hear Simon tell me I was the best singer he’d seen. I wouldn’t stop giving my all in that competition until I could hear him say that. And before all was said and done, I hoped he would. I always set goals for myself so I have something to work toward. This was my goal for
American Idol
.
    I ended up in the final twelve by a stroke of luck. I was picked as one of the judges’ wild-card contestants. That was the start of what was a very strange experience for me. I went into
American Idol
thinking it was just another talent show, and quickly learned that this was in no way the case. People reacted to my voice, but they also reacted to me and my look and my stage presence. I was starting to realize what an integral part image was to success in Hollywood.
    I was grateful when I made it to the final twelve because I was being given a third chance in a single-chance business. I had made it past the executive producers, I had been sent to Hollywood, and now I was in the final round. I had to make the most of it, and put my best foot forward.
    The final twelve contestants on
American Idol
have a tremendous opportunity, one unlike any that you can really imagineunless you’ve done it. The exposure it provides for someone who has a dream to be a performer is unparalleled. But along with the opportunity comes a very packed schedule. We had a lot of long days, so the 9 P.M. curfew was not only important, but necessary. By the end of every day, I was very tired.
    The final twelve lived together in a large house in the Hollywood Hills. The bedroom for the female contestants was sort of set up like a slumber party. We were all in the same room. I shared a room with Fantasia Barrino, La Toya London, Camile Velasco, and Amy Adams. There was a cook in the house who prepared meals for us, and we ate what was prepared, together. We were together all the time. Sometimes things were tense.
    Early on, I remember one of the musical directors from
American Idol
telling me that everything about me was too big. She said my voice was too big, my size was too big, and my personality was too big.
    “Isn’t that what being a star is?” I asked. “Stars are larger than life!”
    I didn’t understand her motivation in telling me that. Perhaps she was trying to break me down. Who knows? Clearly, she wasn’t a fan. And clearly, this was not another talent show. This was reality.
    Once you make the final twelve, the show provides you with a stylist and makeup artist who are there to help you create your signature look. Before that, however, you are completely on yourown. Needless to say, some of my choices got some attention. In those early rounds I wore some outfits that probably put the focus on everything but my voice. I was still thinking that my talent should be the thing people concentrated on, but I was now learning that part of “making it” was cultivating a whole package. Obviously my look didn’t fit into the right package at this point.
    I’ll never forget Simon telling me that my conservative white skirt suit reminded him of a “leather nurse look.” When I chose to wear a metallic silver jumpsuit, he said I reminded him of “something a Thanksgiving turkey should be wrapped in.” I took it in stride, though. I told him not to knock it until he checked it out and then proceeded to model it for him like I was working the runway in a Paris fashion show. Simon also said that I looked “hideous” in my custom-made pink taffeta dress. This