I Kissed Dating Goodbye
just doesn't work. Let's not waste any more time battling the swerving cart of dating. It's time for a new attitude.
    chapter three
    five attitude changes to help You avoid defective dating
    In the previous chapter, I outlined the seven habits of highly defective dating. Perhaps that chapter challenged the way you think about dating. If so, you're probably saying to yourself, "I can agree that dating has its problems. But what do I do now? How do Christians avoid defective dating?"
    The first step is to change your attitude toward relationships. Easier said than done, right? But in Ephesians 4:22-24 (nlt), Paul shows us how we can transform our lives:".. disthrow off your old evil nature and your former way of life, which is rotten through and through, full of lust and deception. Instead, there must be a spiritual renewal of your thoughts and attitudes. You must display a new person because you are a new person, created in God's likeness--righteous, holy and true." Until we renew our way of thinking about love and relationships, our lifestyles will continue to flounder in the mire of defective dating.
    26
    joshua harris three areas: love, purity, and singleness. We'll expand on these three areas in the next section, but for now the attitude changes described here give a glimpse of the practical alternative God offers those who want His best.
    1. Every relationship is an opportunity to model Christ's love. Bethany, an outgoing freshman at a Christian college, has a reputation as a bit of a flirt. Unfortunately, much of her interaction with guys is fake--it focuses on attracting attention to herself and getting a reaction from whoever she currently likes. Bethany invests more energy in getting a guy to like her than she does in spurring him toward godliness.
    But when Bethany changes her perspective and realizes her friendships with guys are opportunities to love them as Christ does, she takes a 180 degree turn from flirtatiousness to honest, sincere love that treats guys as brothers, not potential boyfriends. Instead of viewing herself as the center of the universe with other people revolving around her, she can begin to look for ways to bless others.
    The world will know we follow Christ by the way we love others. For this reason, we must practice love as God defines it--sincere, servant-hearted, and selfless--not the world's brand of selfish and sensual love based on what feels good.
    2. My unmarried years are agisttstrom God.
    Michael is twenty-one years old and has an engaging personality that matches his good looks. As the intern for his church's youth ministry, he has more than enough opportunities to meet and get to know Christian girls. Although he realizes his potential for ministry as a single and doesn't feel rushed to get married, he has developed a pattern of dating one girl after another. Although Michael has done nothing immoral, his pattern of
    27 short-term dating potentially robs him of the flexibility, freedom, and focus of singleness. He still operates from the old dating mind-set that he's incomplete without a girlfriend.
    But when Michael adopts a new attitude that views singleness as a gift, he learns to be content with friendship during the time God wants him to remain single. As a result, Michael can clear his life of the clutter that short-term relationships contribute to his life. With this newly freed time and energy, Michael can pursue more effective ministry and deeper friendships with people of both genders.
    Until you realize God's gift of your singleness, you'll probably miss out on the incredible opportunities it holds. Perhaps even now you can think of an opportunity you could grasp if you let go of the dating mind-set. As a single you have the freedom right now to explore, study, and tackle the world. No other time in your life will offer these chances.
    3. Intimacy is the reward of commitment--I don't need to pursue a romantic relationship before I'm ready for marriage. Jenny is seventeen

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