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way to replace the wheels in my trainers with rockets when some of Wilbur’s nonsensical words start filtering in through the pillow. “Candle-wick.” “Rabbit-foot.” “Potato-nose.” “Tokyo.”
    Tokyo?
    I lift the sparkly pillow so I can hear a bit better.
    “…so there’s going to be a lot of work to do before you go … and oh my
gigglefoot
that reminds me you need to pick up some spot cream because we do not want any dermatological disasters like last time you went abroad, do we, my little Baby-baby Unicorn? Eat some more vegetables before you get there and …”
    The tiger beetle is proportionately the fastest thing on earth. If it was the size of a human, it could reach 480 mph. I’m on the other side of the room so quickly I reckon I would leave it panting and retching behind me.
    “Hello?” I pick the phone up, drop it and then grab it again and start randomly whacking buttons. “Hello? Hello? Wilbur? Hello? Are you there? Hello?”
    “Where else would I be, Owl-beak? This is my phone, isn’t it?”
    “What did you just say?”
    “Love bless you, Plum-pudding. I forget your family has a problem with earwax. I
said
, try and eat some more vegetables before you land in Tokyo, or Yuka’s going to kick off again and we all know what that means.”
    My entire body suddenly feels like it’s been electrocuted.
Before I land in Tokyo?
“I’m
not
fired?”
    Wilbur shrieks with laughter. “
Au contraire
, my
petit poisson
. Yuka has a brand-new job for you in Japan, and if we get moving I should be able to get flights sorted in time.”
    I stare at the wall in silence.
    I’ve been obsessed with Japan since I was six years old. It’s the Land of the Rising Sun: of sumo and sushi; karaoke and kimonos; mountains and manga. Homeland of Ryuichi Sakamoto and Studio Ghibli; of Hayao Miyazaki and Haruki Murakami. Mecca for geeks and freaks and weirdos. I have dreamt about visiting Japan ever since …
    Well. Ever since I realised it existed to visit.
    Oh my God: this could fix
everything
. It will be my New and Infinitely More Glorious Summer Plan 2 (NAIMGS2). I can make a brand-new flow chart. It’s
perfect
.
    And, yes, it might only be a temporary solution, but everybody knows that if you put enough temporary solutions together you’ve got something that lasts a very long time indeed.
    “YES!” I shout, picking Hugo up and giving him the biggest, most twinkly kiss of his life, right between his eyebrows. “When do I leave? What’s the plan?”
    “You leave on Saturday, my little Panda-pot. And
BOOM!
” he adds after another stunned silence. “Your fairy godmother strikes again.”

ight. Time to initiate the New Plan.
    The first and most important step to convincing your parents that you are a responsible nearly-adult, capable of foreign jaunts, is obviously not being painted gold. So I hop in the shower and scrub myself until I no longer look like the death mask of Tutankhamen.
    Then I peruse my wardrobe for something that says
I am an authoritative and totally trustworthy girl on the cusp of womanhood
. Something that says
I can be sent very far away without any repercussions
.
    In a moment of poetic inspiration, I put on the most expensive thing I own and grab the matching accessories. I spend a few minutes fiddling on my laptop, then stride confidently into the kitchen to face my parents.
    “Zac?” Annabel’s saying, pouring ketchup into an open tin of pears and mixing it up with the end of an empty biro. “For a boy or a girl?”
    “Either. It’s very gender neutral.” Dad pauses and then adds, “Plus it’s the name of a Macaw from San Jose who can slam twenty-two dunks in one minute.”
    “Vetoed.”
    “What about Zeus?”
    “
Zeus?
As in the lightning-lobbing Greek father of Gods and Men?”
    “As in the world’s tallest dog. Great Dane. Nice eyes.”
    Annabel laughs. “I don’t care how nice his eyes are, Richard. Vetoed.”
    “Archibald, the world’s smallest