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the corridor beside the blob of piggyplop, staring out the door where the pig ran off. He finally turns round and I am shocked because I thought his face would be mad with anger but he has a normal face and his voice is low: ‘Okay, we’ve all had a laugh. Please go into class and continue with your video projects while I sort this out, thank you.’
    Brincat: ‘Whyyyyy cer-tainly, Ezra, why didn’t you just say so before?’
    Which is funny, because he did say it before, lots. Pooksy’s brain must’ve broken and he has no more yells in him, but it works: Brincat and Carruthers and Wiggy go into I.T. Hub now, which means the rest of us go in after them because whatever they do, we do.
    Inside I.T. Hub, everyone’s still laughing and talking about the pig.
    ‘Heee heee.’
    ‘So cuuuuuuuute.’
    Everyone sits at their desks and turns on their computers. DRANNNNG is the noise the computers make when they start up, DRANNNNG .
    ‘It was in a nappy.’
    ‘Haw haw.’
    Taleeesha Monk sits next to me at my double-desk and she turns on her computer, DRANNNNNG . So does Wiggy on the other double-desk beside me, DRANNNNNG .
    And mine, DRANNNNNNG . Outside Pooksy is in the corridor, I can see him through the class windows, he is on his phone.
    ‘Dah-yam, that’s a sexxxy shirt.’ Wiggy is leaning over and looking at my shirt.
    ‘Yard Duty,' I say.
    ‘You like boys?’
    ‘Nah.’
    Wiggy’s just joking, he’s pretty nice actually, but he says it a bit loud and Carruthers and Brincat hear what he says from over at the next double-desk.
    ‘Hey Zurb is looking for boys, he’s advertising on his shirt!’ (Brincat)
    ‘He’s wearing the traditional costume of Gay-land.’ (Carruthers)
    ‘Backs to the wall, lads HAHAHAHA.’ (Dougy Mansour way over near the window)
    Pooksy sticks his head in through the door and goes ‘PLEASE WORK QUIETLY, UNDERSTAND???’
    Poor Pooks, bet he wishes he lived in another time when teachers could be violent and hurt kids, like in ye olde days.

    Seriously, teachers could do that back then: Dad said when he went to school they’d hit boys on the hand with a stick if they did bad stuff, till blood came out and everything. Even Mum said she’d get a wooden-ruler-slap to the back of the leg for chatterboxing in assembly. If a teacher did that to a kid now, they’d probs go to jail like Bartle the Pedo.
    Still waiting for this old computer to boot up. Little ball thing is spinning.
    I.T. is a massive bludddddddge. You just learn about computery-stuff that everyone already knows like how to turn on computers and also how to turn off computers. Also you learn about the history of computers, like how even cavemen had basic computers. Seriously, they’d stack rocks on top of each other to count how many giraffes and elephants they’d killed and the cavemen upgraded their rock piles every two or three years to get faster rocks with more memory haha.
    And the ancient Chinese people had a wooden computer called an ‘abacus’ which is little sticks with wooden beads on them and the Chinese people used it for adding and subtracting and other maths stuff. Don’t know if they still use abacuses in China, they probably have iAbacuses which are hipper and have cool chopstick apps.
    And in the big war with the Nazis, these brainy English geeks built the first proper computer to read secret war-messages that the Nazis were sending each other – the computer was called Colossus and helped kill lots of Nazis and beat Hitler. When they weren’t using it to kill Nazis and beat Hitler, I wonder if they used it to go on Instagram and stuff. Probs.
    My little ball is still spinning, this computer is so old and slow it’s probably the next version up from Colossus. Here we go: desktop’s just coming up now. Open my account, type in my password.
    F - L - U - F - F - Y
    Name of our cat. It’s the only good reason to have a cat: so you’ve got a password for stuff.
    On my screen there is a file called Me In