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too.”
    “I think you mean the Pacific, Nigel.”
    “Thank you, Sir. Thank you. Like I need help with my lamenting. You know, if I wasn’t already dead I’d go kill myself.”
    “Nigel. Stop. Focus. And then think. Would Stan be hiding under a desk if he was Tassanee’s mate?”
    “You’re hiding under a desk?”
    “Uh...” How the hell does Akron know that?
    “But I don’t understand, Sir. If Stan isn’t—oh. No. No. Not Leonard Griggins. You’re joking, right?”
    “Do I look like I’m joking, Nigel? How about Stan? Does he look like he’s joking?”
    “But...Len? And Tassanee? No. Somebody tell me it isn’t true. The guy’s a menace to relationships. He’s still got claw mark scars on his chest from his last uh...significant other.”
    “Claw marks?” Stan asked.
    “According to Len, the prettier they are, the crazier they get. And he likes them pretty. So he gets them crazy. And that one was over the edge, even to his standards.”
    “He really has ex-wives?”
    “We make sure the court ordered payments are deducted from his account every month. Like clockwork. And she’s a real piece of work when the money is due. We have eight numbers set up every month to field her calls and re-route them. Isn’t that right, Sir?”
    “What all that means, Stan, is yes. Len has an ex-wife. It also means no. He doesn’t have multiple ex-wives. Does that answer your question?” Akron inserted.
    “Then why would he tell Tassanee he has three of them?” Stan asked.
    This time it was Akron laughing through the speaker system. Stan decided it still wasn’t funny.
    “Oh. Forgive me, gentlemen. This is very amusing. And I don’t get much of that in my position.”
    “He told Tassanee he has three ex-wives?” Nigel asked.
    “Yeah.”
    “Is he stupid or what? Is he trying to drive her off?”
    “Very good, Nigel. Very good.”
    “What did I say?”
    “Can either of you think of a better way to halt a woman’s interest?” Akron asked.
    “Don’t look at me, Sir. I spend most of my time trying to get their interest.”
    Akron laughed again. Even with the volume at the lowest range, it was impressive. The wood beside Stan’s ears shuddered.
    “I do like you Nigel. If I haven’t said it before, I’ll say it now. You are a breath of fresh air in an otherwise tainted un-life. Where was I? Oh yes. Think of this from Len’s perspective. Len’s never managed a relationship with a woman that ends well. Can you imagine how things might work should Tassanee become a disgruntled ex? For eternity? You think fielding calls from a human ex-wife is fun. I can’t imagine having a vampire ex-wife with a vendetta.”
    “Oh.”
    Both men said it simultaneously.
    “Which does explain Len’s argument...doesn’t it? Sit tight, Stan. We’ll send a 4D Team your way. And try to stay out of the way of projectiles.”
    “Are you sure he’s Tassanee’s mate?” Nigel asked.
    “Oh. Yes,” Akron replied. “I’m positive.”
    “How can you be so certain?”
    “She hasn’t killed him yet. Oh, Stan? Ditch that laptop. It’s been hacked. And a trace was just started. Nigel? Scramble.”
    Binary code started filling Len’s screen. He flipped it over and slid the battery out. And that just made it easier to hear the other two again. Len was past pleading. Sounded like he was begging.
    “Come on, babe. It won’t be so bad. You’ll see.”
    Some more lightly spoke words.
    “If you cry, that’s it. I’ll call another timeout. Debate over.”
    Tassanee may have replied again. It could be the breeze through the open window just as easily, too.
    “Women always use tears. It’s their biggest weapon. And if that happens, there goes reason and accountability, and any ability to argue logically. Right out into left field.”
    Stan decided that was as good a time as any to start whistling again.

CHAPTER FIVE
    This was such shit.
    He didn’t want to be a vampire. And he shouldn’t have to up and make a decision