House.â
Perhaps my relief was causing me to burble. Esther stifled a yawn. She gave a guilty smile. âThey asked us if we wanted sleeping pills. I think we were sensible to accept but all the same â¦â
âPlease donât apologize; I should be off anyway. Thank you for the tea. And thank you for ⦠well for everything you did or would have liked to do.â
The three of us stood up. Rufus reluctantly stopped licking my feet and scrambled to his own. I gave his ears a farewell rub.
But in the hall I hesitated.
âIs there any chance I might briefly use your phone? Iâm afraid I couldnât pay for it but I need to call Heathrow to try to get a message to Bradâs daughter.â
Afterwards, when weâd already shaken hands and I was standing on the doorstep, Esther remembered something. âI meant to ask. Do you also know the young man who was injured?â
âYes,â I said.
âKnow him well?â
I didnât answer for a moment. âI always thought I did. Now Iâm not so sure.â
They may have taken this to mean I felt disappointed in him and that in some way his behaviour had let me down or let Brad down. If so I wasnât too unhappy just to leave it there.
âWill you be visiting him in hospital?â
âAs a matter of fact Iâve just left the hospital.â
âAnd how was he?â
I merely shrugged; not wishing to add any further to their aftermath of sadness.
âBut do you think he might like Rob and me to go and visit?â
âIâm afraid he died.â I said it as gently as I could.
âOh no!â
The tears now spilled over in earnest. She held her hands before her face. Rob put his arm around her shoulders.
âI am so sorry ,â she sobbed.
âDonât be. Please donât be. It was absolutely for the best.â
âWhy?â Rob asked. âWas he brain-damaged?â
âNo it wasnât that.â I paused and strived for something that would bring them comfort. âReally. It was what he wanted. Wanted more than anything.â I threw in all the conviction which the sheer truth of it merited.
The trouble was an instant later I heard the echo of my own words. And realized that I hadnât said âheâ. I had said âIâ.
Esther had taken her hands down. Little surprise then that I saw in both their faces the dawning of a drastically reconsidered opinion of me.
Perhaps I should have tried to explain. But I didnât feel Iâm sorry that was just a slip of the tongue would really have been adequate and I couldnât think of anything else. I left them believing I must be wholly without feeling. Vengeful even. I was thoroughly dismayed. I liked them both and theyâd been kind to me. And I didnât want them turning cynical on my account, possibly being less inclined to offer hospitality to strangers.
Though maybe in regard to myself it was simply poetic justice. At some points in my life âwholly without feelingâ might nearly have been right. So let me be condemned now for all the times Iâd previously managed to get away with it. Didnât that seem fair?
Anyhow I tried to be philosophical; told myself not to exaggerateâor dramatizeâmy own influence.
6
It was a steeper climb than I rememberedâthough previously of course weâd travelled up by car. I estimated that the winding road must have been well over a mile but I tackled it with vigour and was pleased to find I wasnât out of breath on reaching the top.
The first thing I noticed was the view; how could I have thought Pack Hill not worthy of a second visit? From its crest you could probably see across four counties; you could certainly glimpse the far-off sparkle of the English Channel. Whyâd I been under the impression there were countless rows of new development obstructing the horizon?
The second was even more challenging; or would
Chelsie Hill, Jessica Love