Read Pigeon English for Free Online Page A

breakfast every day for the rest of my life.
    Mamma: 'Are you planning another trip then? You just got here.'
    Auntie Sonia: 'It's been six months.'
    Mamma: 'And your feet are itchy already?'
    Auntie Sonia: 'It's not my feet I'm thinking of.'
    Mamma looked at Auntie Sonia's fingers where they were all black and cracked. You had to pretend like you didn't know about them and everything was normal. My favourite word of today is fuzzy-wuzzy. Mamma and Auntie Sonia were smashing the tomatoes for palaver sauce. It was like a race to see who could kill them first. Asweh, it made me glad I'm not a tomato!
    Mamma: 'So she says to Janette, are there any other midwives there? And Janette ask her why. And she says it's her first baby, do I know what I'm doing. She says she don't want no fuzzy-wuzzy just got off the boat.'
    Auntie Sonia: 'Fuzzy-wuzzy? That's a new one.'
    Mamma: 'I swear by God. I said I didn't come on a boat, I came on a plane. They have planes now where I come from. I shouldn't have said anything really. I had to apologise to her.'
    Auntie Sonia: 'How! You had to apologise? I would rough her. I'd tell her I gave her a juju curse, her baby will come with two heads. She'd probably believe it.'
    Mamma: 'You can't say that, it's not professional.'
    Auntie Sonia: 'Fuzzy-wuzzy. I'll have to remember that one.'
    Me: 'What's a fuzzy-wuzzy?'
    Mamma stopped smashing the tomatoes. You wanted them to escape while they had the chance. Run for your lives!
    Mamma: 'It's what they call you when you're new at the hospital. Sometimes if you're new the patient doesn't trust you to do the job. It just means somebody who's new.'
    Me: 'Why fuzzy-wuzzy though? I don't get it.'
    Mamma: 'I don't know. Don't disturb.'
    Auntie Sonia: 'It's for the noise the nurse's shoes make. When they're new they squeak on the floor. The noise just sounds like fuzzy-wuzzy, that's all.'
    Me: 'How come your shoes don't make that noise in here?'
    Mamma: 'It only works on shiny floors.'
    It sounded quite crazy. It could be true. Next time I get new shoes I'm going to try it. The corridors in the flats have proper shiny floors. I bet they'll make the dope-finest squeaking you've ever heard.
    Next time we're going to Auntie Sonia's house. She lives in Tottenham, you have to go on the tube. Connor Green says the tube police have machine guns and if you run away they shoot you. I'll just have to hold my running in, that's all. It's only until I get to the other side.

    Jordan doesn't go to school. He got excluded for kicking a teacher. Excluded means thrown out. I didn't believe it at first, but even his mamma said it was true. She thinks it's brutal. Jordan's mamma smokes black cigarettes. The paper is liquorice flavour. Jordan's lighter than me because his mamma's obruni. I told you, everything's crazy around here!
    Jordan: 'My mum's trying to get me in another school but no one wants me, innit. I don't even care man, school's shit anyway.'
    Me: 'What do you do instead?'
    Jordan: 'Play Xbox. Watch DVDs.'
    Me: 'Does your mamma make you do jobs?'
    Jordan: 'No way! Why, does yours?'
    Me: 'Sometimes.'
    Jordan: 'That's so gay.'
    Me: 'Only the man's work. Locking the doors, checking for invaders, things like that.'
    Jordan: 'It's still gay.'
    We greeted the rubbish pipe (it's a special pipe where the rubbish goes. Inside is metal and it smells like shit, it goes all the way down to Hell). We have to greet it every time for luck, it's a tradition. Just stick your head in and shout:
    Me and Jordan: 'Bollocks!'
    and it makes a dope-fine echo. Only don't stick your head in too far for if it sucks you in. Jordan jumped on my back and tried to push me down the pipe but I spun around just in time. Then I had to hold the lift door while Jordan did a big spit all on the buttons. When he got out Fag Ash Lil got in. We waited for the doors to close. We could hear her when she pressed the button Jordan did a spit on. She didn't know about the spit.
    Fag Ash Lil: 'Bloody hell!'
    She