Read Pigeon English for Free Online

to the shops. I was going home. Two smaller kids came from nowhere. I wasn't even suspecting it. They came running out of the alley and jumped on the back of her car. I saw it with my own two eyes. Asweh, it was very funny. They held on all the way to the shops.
    The lady didn't even know them. She tried to get them off but they wouldn't listen.
    Chair car lady: 'Oi, what you playing at? Get out of it!'
    But they didn't even care. When they got to the shops, they just jumped off and ran away. They didn't even say thank you for the ride! It was the funniest thing I've ever seen.
    It's the lady's own fault. She's not even sick. She can talk and everything. She only needs the chair car because she's too fat to walk.
    Chair car lady: 'What are you looking at? Why didn't you stop 'em, eh?'
    I didn't say anything. I didn't even want a ride. I'd rather run, it's quicker and you can't get slaps for it.
    I don't have a favourite raindrop, they're all as good as each other. They're all the best. That's what I think anyway. I always look up at the sky when it's raining. It feels brutal. It's a bit hutious because the rain's so big and fast and you think it will go in your eye. But you have to keep your eyes open or you won't get the feeling. I try to follow one raindrop all the way down from the cloud to the ground. Asweh, it's impossible. All you can see is the rain. You can't follow just one raindrop, it's too busy and all the other raindrops get in the way.
    The best bit is running in the rain. If you point your face up to the sky at the same time as running, it nearly feels like you're flying. You can close your eyes or you can keep them open, it's up to you. I like both. You can open your mouth if you want. The rain just tastes like water from the tap except it's quite warm. Sometimes it tastes like metal.
    Before you start running, find an empty bit of the world with nothing in the way. No trees or buildings and no other people. That way you won't crash into anything. Try to go in a straight line. Then you just run as fast as you can. At first you're scared of crashing into something but don't let it put you off. Just run. It's easy. The rain on your face and the wind makes it feel like you're going superfast. It's very refreshing. I dedicated my rain run to the dead boy. It was a better present than a bouncy ball. I kept my eyes closed the whole time and I didn't even fall over.

One time me and Lydia were in the lift when it broke down. It stopped for about one hour. It wasn't even hutious. Lydia was screaming like a maniac. I had to stop her going crazy with rock, paper, scissors. I saved the day all over again.
    Lydia: 'Advise yourself! I didn't scream!'
    Me: 'Yes you did. This was Lydia: Make it go, make it go! I hate being stuck!'
    Lydia: 'Shut up Harrison. He's lying.'
    We were showing Auntie Sonia our lift. Auntie Sonia says she doesn't have a lift where she lives, only stairs. It didn't even feel fair.
    Me: 'It only makes your belly turn over at the beginning. You won't get sick.'
    Lydia: 'Advise yourself, she's seen a lift before. She's been to America. They go up to one hundred over there.'
    Me: 'How! I don't believe you!'
    Auntie Sonia: 'It's true. They call them elevators. They even make your ears go pop like on the aeroplane.'
    Me: 'Cool!'
    Auntie Sonia's been everywhere. She's met a hell of famous people. One time she made Will Smith's bed (he's in I Am Legend). They're not in the room when she's making their bed, they wait outside. Sometimes they give you a tip. One time they gave Auntie Sonia a twenty dollars. One time a hotel man gave Auntie Sonia a hundred dollars just to shag it up with him. She said no because he was too ugly. Mamma went proper red-eyes when she told her. She hates shagging talk.
    Mamma: 'Not in front of them!'
    Me and Lydia: 'We don't mind!'
    Next time Auntie Sonia goes to America she's bringing back some Fruit Loops. They're the sweetest of all the cereals. I'm going to have them for