Read Riotous Retirement for Free Online

after Bill had to pay for a real taxi to take him home the long way round by public road, and never again did he talk about today’s kids and transport. But, from then on, during every taxi ride home from the pub, he would sit back, close his eyes and think of his rides in the barrow! It was bloody great while it lasted.
    The Taxi Service
    The “Fun Police” have stolen our fun
Said NO to innocent things we’ve done
Necessity - the mother of invention
Alex’s taxi for Bill was his intention
Innocent initiative has had its run
     

    The Pink Dog

    Gabriel and Brenda Bovary bought the most expensive villa ever sold at the Burnside Retirement Village. They had a choice of two or three villas at the time of purchase but Gabriel’s perception of himself as the wealthy retiree precluded him from even considering any of the villas offered at a lower price. 
    “Now you were concerned about the price of the villa, Mr. Bovary so I have worked out a very special deal just for you.”
    “No no, not at all, I’m not concerned about cost,” Gabriel responded as Helga knew he would, “and look, please call me Gabriel, would you—Helga?”
    “Well I always try to please our future residents, so if you insist —Gabriel,” Helga smiled and her hand went to her hair. “What if we offer you and your wife air-conditioning in the bedrooms in addition to your previous request about changing the decor in the living area and a gate at the side to keep the doggie in. A Maltese wasn’t it?”
    And before Gabriel knew it, he and Brenda were signing the preliminary contract at well above the minimum price that Helga’s boss had said was the bottom line for this villa.
    Brenda was over the moon. She had a feeling that Helga had railroaded them to some degree but that was not her concern. What she knew was that Gabriel had agreed to live in a retirement village and he thought he had struck a great bargain with the price of the villa. That was good enough for Brenda. She was really looking forward to making many friends. Indeed since being invited to a residents’ dinner by Helga, before deciding to buy this villa, Brenda had already met a few of the village women. She felt sure that she could make friends here so long as Gabriel managed to behave himself. Oh lord please don’t let him embarrass me, she thought.
    Gabriel had bored some of their table companions at the dinner they attended by going on at length about his ancestors’ connection to France, but since Brenda had scared the living daylights out of him, by making him shop on his own and threatening to never again entertain his friends, Gabriel had become a little more amenable. In addition, a firm kick on the shins under the table also worked wonders. Brenda judged that, on the whole, the dinner had gone really well. Gabriel only had two bruises for the entire evening!
    Life went very well for the first few months at the village. Brenda joined the craft group and Gabriel signed up for the carpet bowls—which gave him the chance to spread the word about his ancestry, and not only that, but the bowls team also played away games, and this gave Gabriel the chance to increase the total number of people on the planet who were able to appreciate his connection to sixteenth century France.
    “I heard this morning that more villas are to be built on the land adjacent to the creek,” said Gabriel returning from his morning game of carpet bowls. “Probably won’t be up to the standard of this place though.”
    “What makes you think that?” Brenda asked.
    “Well you know we bought the very best villa when we moved here and I just feel that management probably think they went over the score a bit with the quality.”
    “Oh!” said Brenda, and she thought to herself, what the hell is he worried about now?
    “You know what I mean, the Corian benchtops, the double-drawer dishwasher, the floor coverings, and so on. Especially since I was able to beat them down so far from their