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ashes. The world turned in on him, imploding.
         Why? he thought. Why?
        The memories flooded back.
        For the billionth time he damned Margot Perrone for dying. He damned the voice on the telephone, the scratchy metallic-sounding tape on the answering machine that had told him This is Margot. I can’t come to the phone right now but leave a message and I’ll get back to you. I promise. Wait for the beep please.
        He’d left a message.
        And then found out that she was dead two days by then, bled to death in a bathtub full of water.
         I promise. Wait for the beep please.
        And Lelia, it seemed, missed nothing.
        “What’s wrong?” she said.
        He essayed what he hoped was a smile and shook his head.
        ‘Too much sun. No food. I’d better drink.”
        She laughed. Danny began joking with the waiter. Dodgson ordered a double scotch on the rocks. Lelia’s ouzo sat in front of her cloudy and untouched.
        Just for something to say to her he asked her, “How was the shower?”
        She shrugged, “It faked. Wet.”
        And that was better. That gleam in her eye.
        “Hot or cold?”
        “Oh, quite hot.”
        She smiled. Dodgson thought it was a wonderful smile. Wicked. In her eyes, evanescent flashes of promise. Her mouth was probably the most erotic orifice he’d ever seen. He resolved to make her smile as often as possible. Not just for her, for both of them.
         Margot, go the hell away.
        But she wouldn’t. Not just yet.
        
***
        
        He saw himself in a Honolulu bar, silent, drunk, a deep blue twilight folding in over the sea, while after all these months of manly fortitude finally broke in him and he slumped down onto the bar and began to cry. A waitress came over. Sobs racked his body.
        “What’s wrong?"
        Lelia was studying him now, head tilted slightly forward as though evaluating something. Had he shown again? Sure he had. She moved slightly toward him and put her arm across his shoulder. He could smell her light perfume, the clean fresh smell of her hair.
        “Come here,” she whispered. “What is it?”
        “Honestly, nothing.” He smiled again. “Crazy with the heat.”
        She looked at him. Her proximity was dizzying. The pale blue eyes were wide. Then he guessed she decided to believe him. The eyes seemed to flicker and he sensed there was laughter in them. Was she laughing at him?
        No. Her gaze was steady now. The pressure of her arm on his shoulder gentle but firm.
        It was very strange. It was probably remembering Margot. But for just a second or so he’d felt…
        …trapped.
        She pulled him closer.
        “Good. I’m glad you’re all right.”
        She glanced from his eyes to his mouth and back again.
        “Tell me,” she whispered, “so I’ll know.”
        “Tell you what?”
        “Just tell me.”
        He laughed and glanced at Danny and Michelle. They were whispering too, oblivious. “Okay, sure. Only what?”
        She moved closer. The pressure across his shoulder grew greater. He could feel her breast warm and soft against his arm.
        ‘Tell me everything you’d like to do to me, Dodgson.”
        And now he did feel dizzy. The light musky smell of her still-damp hair, the delicate spice of perfume.
        “Tell me everything. And then we’ll do it. I promise.”
         I promise, he thought. Margot.
         I didn’t do it. It’s not my fault.
         Get off me.
         I promise. It rang a very nasty bell deep within him for a moment and then he thought, impossible, forget that.
         You heard what she said. Everything.
        He told her.
        

LELIA
        
        She had taken one look at him on the beach and thought, oh, you are just fine. a
        She pulled a cigarette from her pack and