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of your car, like luggage,” she laughed with big pupils, clapping her hands together. “Dork Dracula wanted to kiss me before I sedated him so I kicked him in the balls, and he fainted.”
    “You didn’t sedate him?”
    “He’d already passed out. Don’t worry. It always works. I kicked all my ex-boyfriends,” she was already hallucinating.
    “This means Dork Dracula might wake up any moment now, and I can’t stop the car because the vampires from the party are coming after us,” Loki wanted to scream and pull his hair. “And why did the doorman agree to help you?”
    “I seduced him,” Lucy brushed her forefinger across Loki’s nose, laughing still. “I showed him my…”
    “You showed him your what?” Loki’s eyes widened. This night was getting mad as a hatter by the minute.
    Trying to remember, Lucy’s face changed. She looked puzzled and vaguely serious. “I showed him my… something ,” she tried to remember.
    “You don’t remember what you showed him? At least you stopped laughing. That’s a good sign. It’ll only be a couple of minutes until the effect wears off,” Loki said. All he needed was to reach the location where Lucy had parked her four-wheeler, stake Dork Dracula, add him to the list and get some money.
    Suddenly, it started to rain.
    In Loki’s short life, it only seemed to rain when things went wrong. He turned the headlights on; a yellowing hue pierced into the night and split the darkness in half.
    “With all this wind and rain, Dork Dracula will be waking up soon,” Loki said. “I will need to get on the roof and stake him, and you have to help me.”
    Lucy nodded wearily.
    “Take the wheel,” Loki said, pulling her arms. It wasn’t the greatest idea to let her drive, but he had no choice.
    Loki pulled himself up to the edge of the window while Lucy shuffled to the driver’s seat, gripping the wheel. She was trying her best to stay focused, although she was having another laughing fit.
    “This is awesome,” she squinted at the road. “Look at all those yellow…somethings.”
    The weather outside was getting nastier, and the heavy torrent of rain blurred Loki’s sight. He held onto the edge of the roof, preparing to pull himself up.
    “Keep your hands tight on the wheel or I’ll fall,” he yelled at Lucy through the wind.
    “Don’t tell me how to drive,” she yelled back, wiping rain from her cheek. “Don’t talk through the window, either. You’re spitting on me.”
    “You think I’m the one who’s spitting. This sky is spitting on the whole world,” Loki said, climbing up. “No one ever told me that killing vampires required the skills of a stuntman.”
    Loki was head to head with Dork Dracula, who was tied lying flat on his back, his hands and legs stretched out on the roof. Out of nowhere, Dork Dracula’s head tilted to the side, staring at Loki with glaring red eyes. He was awake. A little drowsy, though.
    “Hi, my name is Loki Blackstar,” Loki faked a smile. “And I’m going to kick your ass.”
    Loki managed to punch the kid in the face to buy a few seconds. Then he clung to Dork Dracula’s body to pull himself up, while listening to the boy’s drowsy growling. Once Loki managed to climb onto the roof, the car hit another bump in the road. He lost balance and almost fell, but hung onto Dork Dracula’s body as if hugging him.
    “ Spread the love,” Loki couldn’t stop commenting on his ridiculous and misfortunate adventures in the Ordinary World.
    Finally, Loki managed to sit on Dork Dracula with his knees touching the roof. He raised his stake in the air and aimed to stake the boy in the heart. “Finally, thirty eight!” Loki chanted his victory, “sixty-one to go.”
    But something stopped Loki right in his tracks. It was the squeaky sound of a squirrel, stuffed under Dork Dracula’s costume, right above his heart. Loki knew it was a common trick vampires pulled. Every vampire knew Loki had a soft spot for squirrels so he