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out. It also gives him the satisfaction of knowing that no one else is going out with her, either. Sean plans on growing another eight inches in the next three years, and he thinks he’ll have a shot by then.
    Kelly and Valerie are both in their street clothes. Kelly gestures in my direction and says something to the lifeguard. Did they see me doing my imitation of a drowning man? Are they coming in to laugh at me? I should have gone to another pool to practice. I’m such an idiot.
    The girls walk past the lifeguard and head right toward me. There’s nowhere to run. I try to think of what to say. I was just having fun? I was trying to see what it felt like
not
to be able to swim the butterfly? It all sounds so stupid in my head.
    “Hi, Matt,” Valerie says.
    I barely look up. “Hi.”
    “I’ll be right back,” Kelly says. She gives me a quicksmile and continues on toward the pool office. I do a fast wipe at my nose with my towel just in case.
    “You here by yourself ?” Valerie asks.
    “Yeah.” I nod and force myself to look her in the eyes.
    “Where’s Sean and Coop?”
    “Dinner, I guess.”
    Valerie watches Kelly as she disappears into the office. “Kelly left her sweater here.”
    “Oh.” I brighten. Maybe they didn’t see me swimming.
    Valerie looks back at me. “So. How’s your summer going so far?”
    I shrug. “Good, I guess. You?”
    “I got a job,” Valerie says, smiling.
    “Cool.”
    “It’s just some filing and typing and stuff. At Dr. Malkin’s office.”
    “We go to him.”
    “Yeah, I know. I saw your family’s file.” Valerie’s neck and cheeks flush. “But don’t worry. I didn’t look at it or anything. I just noticed it when I was filing something else.”
    I’ve been toweling off for the past however long Valerie’s been talking to me. I only notice it now because my skin feels raw. It was something to do other than just stand here like a dork. “That’s great you have a job. I should probably get one, but I’m too lazy.”
    “That’s not what I hear,” Valerie says.
    “What do you mean?”
    “Kelly told me you volunteered to swim the butterfly race.”
    “She told you that?”
    “She also said it’s the hardest stroke ever. I wouldn’t call that lazy.”
    “Maybe just insane.” I drop my towel and start to put on my sweats. Something else to do.
    Kelly comes out of the office carrying her green sweater. She walks over and smiles. “Hey.”
    “Hey.” I give a quick lift of the chin.
    Kelly shifts her weight and looks at me. “You come to the pool by yourself a lot?”
    “Oh,” I say, and shake my head. “No. I was just getting in some extra practice.” I feel like I’m not in my body. Like I’ve stepped outside of myself and am being forced to observe just how much of a loser I am.
    Kelly laughs. “I can’t believe you volunteered to swim the fly.”
    “We were just talking about that,” Valerie says.
    I shrug. “It’s no big deal. Someone had to do it.”
    “Well, it’s pretty cool you stepped up,” Kelly says.
    I smile. “Thanks.”
    There is an awkward silence that balloons between us until Kelly pops it.
    “Well . . . bye,” she says, and waves.
    “Bye.” I give another quick lift of my chin. My smooth move.
    Kelly and Valerie walk off. I try not to watch them, but I can’t help it. They’re talking to each other. I wish I knew what they were saying. They laugh. At me? I try to focus on putting on my shirt. I need to take my time. I want to wait until they are well out of sight before I leave. I don’t want to have to walk with them, next to them, with absolutely nothing to say.
    I stand and collect my towel, goggles, and sneakers. I walk slowly toward the gate.
    So much for quitting.
    Now I’m really screwed.

I WASN’T LYING when I told Valerie I’m lazy. It’s been three days since Kelly told me she thought it was cool I volunteered to swim the fly, and while she’s made it impossible for me to back out now, I