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that he might get lost on the way back to the table, so he may feel anxious. But after walking around looking for you, or even asking a staff member for directions, he will probably make it back to the table with the realization that he has the power to solve his own problems. Another option is to give your children two or three items to retrieve for you at a familiar grocery store on their own. This type of solo experience increases children’s self-confidence, pride, and sense of responsibility. While some parents may feel wary about this level of independence and might think, “What if he gets lost?” we say, “In this safe environment, I hope he gets lost so he can figure out what to do.”
    Watch from Afar
    If you are feeling anxious about letting your child experience a new situation, you can always monitor from a distance. Watch from across the room as your child navigates his way to the restroom, or let him walk the last two blocks to school alone (you can even monitor from your car), or sit across the park as he plays with the other children. But remember, watch from afar and don’t meddle in the challenges that may arise. If your child gets lost, watch and see how he figures out how to find you before you step in. This requires patience, but as you watch your child figure out what to do, maybe you will also develop more confidence in him. Even though it is difficult, as long as the child is safe, don’t jump in to help.
    The Different Ways Parents Rescue Children
    When parents rescue their children, they prevent their children from figuring out how to solve problems. Problem solving takes practice, and the best practice comes from opportunities they encounter in daily life. From infancy to preschool to middle school and beyond, each of these stages poses new challenges for children and parents alike. With each challenge, children face new and often uncomfortable situations, and there is the temptation for parents to rescue them.
    The Skill Rescue
    The “skill rescue” can begin at a very young age and happens when parents jump in to do a task for their children rather than allowing them to struggle through it until they learn how. When you see your toddler struggling to put on a shoe, it may be tempting to do it for her, particularly when you are in a hurry or late for an appointment. This can then extend to the preschool child who didn’t finish the art project—perhaps you just need to add that last finishing touch. This is how the pattern of rescuing children begins.
    Before children even begin school, they have many natural opportunities for developing confidence in trying to do new things. As infants, children learn self-help skills (such as feeding themselves). As toddlers, they learn to dress themselves and how to wash their hands, as well as social skills (making eye contact, sharing, maintaining two-way conversations) and problem-solving skills (pretend play, puzzles, exploration) on a daily basis. These are opportunities for them to learn through the natural environment. Jean Piaget, a leading theorist on human development, describes children at this age as “little scientists,” actively exploring and trying to make sense of their environment. 1 At about third or fourth grade, a child’s responsibilities begin to change and his school schedule becomes more structured. Because of these changes, the opportunity for natural skill building decreases. The challenges also become more difficult, and the pressure to rescue your child grows stronger. Therefore, take advantage of these early opportunities that, to children, come naturally.
    One reason we wrote this book is because we recognized these temptations and realized we too constantly have to check ourselves. Watching your child struggle in any way is hard (when it is not amusing). The temptation is so strong to stop the struggle, but we also realize that, in doing so, we prevent our children from