Read Teaching Kids to Think for Free Online Page B

developing skills that are going to be essential as they grow up. One way to monitor your impulse to rescue your children is to make a rule to observe them for five to ten seconds before deciding whether to help. And remember, every time you see your children being challenged, stand back and recognize that it is a learning opportunity that will teach essential skills that they will use throughout life.
    Replace Missed Opportunities
    Families are busy, and there are times when waiting for a toddler to dress herself, a child to make her own lunch, or a teen to finish his laundry is not an option because the family is late and has somewhere to be. These things happen sometimes, and it’s OK. Parents just need to be aware of missed opportunities so they can practice these skills at another time and provide new opportunities for their children to develop.
    For example, in a family of four, mornings may be chaotic. Bobby, a toddler, rarely has the opportunity to dress himself. To create a new opportunity to learn this skill, Bobby’s parents allow him to dress for bed at night or on weekends.
    The Social Rescue
    We can all agree that we want our children to have healthy friendships and be well liked by their peers. Parents remember the ups and downs of their own friendships when they were children. They also remember how much it hurt when they did not feel socially accepted. Therefore, it is very easy for them to empathize with their children as they experience the same trials and tribulations of confusing social dynamics and want to protect them.
    Some lucky kids are born socially gifted, and the art of making friends comes naturally to them with almost no effort. Most kids are in a different category and have to work at least a little to make friends. Learning how to interact with people is a skill that can be learned and practiced. However, often children don’t get the opportunity to practice these skills without parental interference. The social rescue occurs when well-intentioned parents impact the opportunity for their children to practice and to work things out for themselves.
    A parent of a high school student shared with me that she had heard that her son’s friends were making fun of him for his choice of girlfriend. The boy was pretty broken up about his loyalties and torn between his friends and his girlfriend. By all accounts, the girl in question was smart, sweet, attractive, and from a great family. The parent was so concerned that she called the parents of the other boys to ask them to have their children apologize for making her son so uncomfortable and to stop their teasing. She also wanted the fellow parents, and me, to keep this secret so her son wouldn’t be even more upset.
    â€”Dr. Ron
    In the previous example, the boy needed to deal with a fairly common social issue (teasing), but instead of solving the problem himself, his mother did it for him. His approach may not have been the same as his parent’s and it may not have resulted in the outcome he wanted, but that is OK. As we stated previously in this chapter, kids learn the best through practice. With practice comes the opportunity to learn problem-solving skills and build self-esteem. By dealing with social dilemmas on their own, children and teens learn they can deal with a problem independently when one arises in the future.
    Support Opportunities to Practice Social Skills
    Children need the opportunity to practice social skills. Yet some kids don’t know how to make those opportunities for themselves. Parents can help with this. What follows are some age-based interventions that can help children socially and promote independence.
    â€¢ Preschool: Parents of preschool children need to be the ones to plan the playdates and group activities. The more the merrier, but make sure your children have some downtime in their schedule too. Give your children some options of activities available to them (art activity, backyard