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rest of mankind gives
about your life,’ Charlie smirks. ‘Here, look; close your eyes for
a sec.’
    ‘Last time you
said to do that, it didn’t end well for me,’ I reply, with
suspicion.
    ‘Oh, like I’m
going to do that again,’ he protests. ‘Grant me at least some originality.’
    Warily, I shut
my eyes. The noise in the coffee shop lounge seems to ramp up,
somehow, ramping up from just background chatter into a kind of
tangled roar banging around inside my head.
    ‘Now, can you
make out anything that any one person is saying? Besides me, of
course.’
    I strain my
ears some more.
    ‘Nope.’
    ‘Let alone
being able to make out an entire conversation,’ he adds. I let my
eyes snap open again.
    ‘Alright, fair
point,’ I concede. He claps his hands together.
    ‘Lovely. So
now your fragile little nerves are eased, can we start planning
this bank job?’
    ‘We aren’t
robbing a bank,’ I tell him firmly.
    ‘I thought I
just proved that no-one’s eavesdropping on us, didn’t I? We can at
least talk about it,’ he pouts.
    ‘No, I said we
aren’t robbing a bank. I didn’t say anything about not
robbing somewhere else.’
    ‘Why not a
bank?’
    ‘Because
nearly every heist attempt in history has been a bank job. Or in
film, come to that. It’s the first place they’d expect us to go
after.’
    ‘That’s just
because they’ve got the most money.’
    ‘And because they’ve got the most money, they’ve also got
security systems, cameras, bullet-proof glass, big signs that say,
“the tellers do not have access to the safe”, that ink stuff that
explodes all over the cash if you try and steal it…’
    ‘So? I could
use a challenge.’
    ‘Then do your
coursework,’ I smirk back at him.
    ‘All those
security measures just give us a chance to get creative,’ he
contests.
    ‘Do you want
to get creative, or not get caught?’
    ‘We won’t get
caught. Not if we-’
    ‘There’s no
way I’m spending a year of my life tunnelling into a bank vault
just because you want to do things “properly”,’ I butt-in,
pre-empting his response.
    He rolls his
eyes.
    ‘Okay, so what
options does that leave us with? Jewel heist?’
    ‘Nope; all the
problems you get with robbing banks apply there as well. With the
added pain in the arse of trying to find someone to buy the stuff
off you after you’ve gone stolen it. Same goes for museums,
casinos, maybe even bookies.’ I look skyward for a minute, thinking
to myself. ‘Actually, anywhere you’ve seen getting robbed in the
movies is the sort of place you should wipe off your list of
potential targets.’
    ‘So all the
interesting places, basically?’
    ‘I’m pretty
sure even a farmer’s market would be interesting when you’re
robbing it at gunpoint.’
    He grins.
    ‘Good,’ he
says, ‘because caffeine isn’t doing it for me anymore.’ He glances
down at his large mug of coffee with something approaching disdain.
‘I’m not even half way through this and I’m bored of it
already.’
    ‘What did you
get?’
    ‘Limited
edition gingerbread Christmas latte; three extra shots of caramel,
one extra shot of espresso.’
    ‘Expensive
tastes.’
    ‘Why, how much
did it cost me?’
    I pinch the
receipt off his saucer.
    ‘You don’t
want to know.’
    ‘You’re
probably right,’ he shrugs. ‘What I do want to know, though,
is what places are still available for us to steal vast quantities
of cash from.’
    I spoon a
marshmallow out of my hot chocolate and suck at it, mulling over
our options.
    ‘Restaurant?’
Charlie suggests.
    ‘What did I
just say about places that you’ve seen getting robbed in
movies?’
    ‘Supermarket?’
    ‘Too many
people, too many aisles. It’d be a great place for a gunfight, not
so much for a heist.’
    We sit in
contemplative silence for a couple of moments. I’m pretty sure he’s
daydreaming about having an action movie-worthy shoot-out in the
supermarket freezer section.
    ‘Got it!’ he
suddenly