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(Apparently there was a time when you could tell a man’s rank, school, and era simply by how he folded his handkerchief.) If you pay close attention, you’ll soon find that vocabulary, pronunciation, accents, etiquette, and clothes mean more than you ever dared to imagine…
Watch What You Say
    I’ll never forget the day I found myself having real conversations with real English people that didn’t involve buying a train ticket or saying thank you for my change. I was overjoyed, but at the same time, I quickly realized how innocent Americans are when it comes to language—how tiny, linguistic nuances in our conversations mean relatively nothing to us—but mean
everything
to the Brits. In a country where status is not determined by pure economics, I cannot overemphasize the importance the English place not only on what you say, but how you say it and with what accent—it is the most vital social signifier in the country.
    An English aristocrat who speaks with upper-class pronunciation (clipped and plummy with lengthened vowels) and uses upper-class vocabulary, will
always
be considered and treated as an aristocrat, even if he is bankrupt, in prison, working in a factory, living in a mental institution, or living on welfare.
    Conversely, a working-class Brit who has become a self-made billionaire, with private jets, expensive cars, and houses all around the world—will
always
be considered and treated like a member of the lower working class because he speaks with a working-classaccent—no matter how much money he has and continues to make. Even if he changes his accent to something more neutral, one word of working-class terminology will automatically give him away—making it virtually impossible to ever truly shift his standing in the social order.
    FOUR SURE SIGNS OF UK UPPER-CLASS SPEECH:
    The word “real” has two syllables.
    They pronounce “house” to rhyme with “mice.”
    They say “gel” rather than “girl.”
    “White wine” sounds like “wait wain.”
    If you want to know what an upper-class English accent sounds like, just watch any movie starring Hugh Grant or Rupert Everett and listen to their voices. This accent is what’s known as “BBC English,” “the Queen’s English,” “Oxford English,” or “Upper Received Pronunciation” (URP) and is generally considered to be the
prestige
English accent, as it has been the accent of those with power, money, and influence since the early twentieth century.
    (If you want to know what a working-class accent sounds like, watch something like
The Full Monty
,
Layer Cake
, or
Snatch
. There is nothing wrong with this accent—however, this book will focus primarily on the haunts and habits of those who speak with the URP.)
    It’s amazing, really—how the English can sum up another English person’s entire family background (and hence their entire family’s financial worth) simply by hearing how he or she pronounces certain words.
    But the good news is that the Brits can’t pigeonhole us Americans,because our accents give absolutely nothing away. Therefore, it doesn’t matter in the slightest if you’re from a poor background or a wealthy one; went to private school or public school; were raised by West Coast hippies or old money New Englanders.
    Your accent—be it from the Bronx, Texas, Wisconsin, or a tiny mountain town in Colorado—doesn’t come with any kind of class label, and the Brits cannot instantly judge you by the sound of it. They might be able to tell
where
in America you’re from, but they can’t tell anything about your socioeconomic background. To the Brits, you’re a blank slate.
    So as long as you maintain good manners, watch what you say, and conduct yourself with grace and poise, your neutral American accent will allow you to move through the upper echelons of English society at lightning speed. It’s sad to say, but a working-class Brit would never be able to attain such rapid social mobility, because of the