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and play a few rounds of golf before summer kicks into full swing and it’s too hot to golf with the kids. There’ll be plenty of opportunity for Mike and I to have our alone time to work on the two of us with all the activities at the resort there are to offer the boys in the evenings. Colin is about to start fourth grade, and I already feel him pulling away from us, ready to stretch his wings and gain more independence. A vacation like this is just what we all need.
    Sometimes I wonder whether they sense the divide between their father and me, and that’s why they are pulling away from us more, but then I stop myself and remember that they’re just normal children, with wacky rollercoaster emotions. As much as I want them to grow up and find themselves, the mommy in me wants to keep my sweet boys all to myself to love on forever.
    “Sugar” by Maroon 5 comes on the radio when I drive through the gate of our community, bringing me back to reality. I sing along as I drive down the wooded street that leads to my home. The unfamiliar feeling of happiness bubbles inside with the thoughts of getting back to the way our life should be this weekend. I continue to sing along to the addictive tune, hitting all the high notes so horribly that it makes me laugh. I feel lighter already at the thoughts of hope I’m allowing in rather than the despair I’ve felt all day. I can only imagine how happy I’ll feel after our weekend together. I know for most people, often the experience doesn’t always meet the expectations, but one thing I can say about Mike is that he always exceeds my expectations when it comes to planning special time together. Maybe it’s because we rarely have time to be together anymore, or maybe it’s because it’s how he shows me he loves me, but at this point in our relationship, it’s the one situation he hasn’t tainted for us.
    Yet.
    Just when I pull into the long, stone driveway that leads to the garage at the back of our two-story New England style home, I see one of Mike’s cars parked in my spot. I wasn’t expecting him to be home this early, but begin to think of the best way to make the most out of this surprise like I would have before we had the boys. A shower together could be just the thing to show him I’m taking the final step to trusting him and giving myself to him again.
    My body heats up at the anticipation of feeling his strong hands across my naked body again. I realize now how much I miss the adoring way he looks at me when we make love. I sneak up the back steps that lead to our bedroom door, hoping I’ll be able to undress before luring him to our bathroom. I open the back door slowly at first, hoping to hide my arrival. I close my eyes as the creaking door echoes through the house, and laugh a little to myself. I’m more like a teenager sneaking in past curfew than a wife trying to give her husband a sexy surprise. I shut the door behind me, still giggling to myself, and listen to see whether I can tell where he is in the house.
    There seems to be a television on in the other room, so I quickly sneak up the back stairway, two steps at a time, hoping to at least get to our room before he realizes I’m home. Once I make it up the steps, I tiptoe into our room, still feeling excited with the anticipation of being with Mike again, and undress as quickly as I can. I smile when I see his lucky tie laid out on our bed. He’s been in our room. I wonder how often he has come up here the past few weeks, wishing we were together again too. I wonder whether he misses being with me as much as I do him. I slip the tie around my neck, just like I had when I gave it to him the first time. I decide to brush out my hair a little before I call downstairs for him; I know he loves my hair down. I make my way toward our bathroom when I hear him talking quietly on the other side of the bathroom door.
    Another business call.
    I remind myself of how we used to be, and decide to surprise him while