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cold and horrid than her twin’s death enveloped her. What if Mother and Father wished that she, Mary Lee, had been the one on the gondola? What if, when they realized Mary Lee was alive and well … what if they were sorry?
    She walked numbly between Bianca and Mindy. They had not thought to bring her a change of clothing, and she had to wear the ski suit that was Madrigal’s. When they finally reached the dorm — interrupted by a hundred people crying, “We’re so sorry; Oh, this is awful; Oh, what a tragedy; Oh, poor Maddy, you lost your sister, we’re so sorry about Mary Lee, Maddy” — she wanted only to shut the door and be alone.
    But boarding schools are not arranged for alone-ness.
    She stripped off Madrigal’s ski suit and thought that when she got home she would burn it, for it did not deserve to live, when Madrigal could not. She opened her closet to find something plain and dark to wear. Perhaps her black T-shirt with the pleated pocket and her black jeans.
    “Maddy!” said Bianca. “That’s sick. You can’t start by dressing in your sister’s clothes.” Bianca flipped open the suitcase that Madrigal had brought. “Here. Wear this cute little skirt.”
    “I’ll wear the jeans,” said Mary Lee wearily. “Bianca, I appreciate your concern, but I’d rather be alone.”
    “We can’t let you be alone,” said Mindy. “We promised the doctor.”
    “Promised her why?”
    “Because she doesn’t want you to think of following your sister. She says identical twins can get a little screwy.”
    Following my sister , thought Mary Lee. If o nly you could do that! I would follow her and bring her back . I would —
    They meant suicide. They had been told to stay with her to prevent her from killing herself.
    “I’m not the type,” said Mary Lee, “and neither was my sister. She loved life.”
    “Actually, she wasn’t very happy,” said Bianca.
    “And she sure didn’t love life here,” added Mindy.
    MreeLee , you be Madrigal .
    And she was. Clothing was all it took.
    Mindy and Bianca talked on and on, sure that it was Madrigal to whom they offered comfort.
    Mary Lee wanted her parents desperately. She stood by the window, waiting and watching. They would come in an airport taxi. It would be orange. She would see it against the snow. She would run to her mother and be hugged; turn to her father and be held.
    Nothing could bring Madrigal back home.
    But surely, surely, there would be enough love left to bring Mary Lee back home!

Chapter 4
    F ROM THE DORM WINDOW , she watched the orange taxi pull up in front of the administration building. Her mother and father got out. The Dean of Students walked swiftly down his wide stone steps, hand extended to shake theirs, as if congratulating them on the death of a twin. Everybody nodded heads up and down and then shook heads back and forth: a strange head-dance upon the mysteries of death.
    Her parents were frail black outlines against the harsh glitter of snowbanks. Clinging to each other, they followed the Dean into his office. From the Dean, they would learn the details of the accident, be told exactly how their daughter died, exactly what arrangements had been made.
    “Now, Madrigal,” said Bianca, “be brave for your parents. They’re going to need you.”
    “At least they have you,” said Mindy. “It’s a terrible thing to lose a daughter, but then again, Mary Lee must have been the daughter they didn’t much — ”
    “ Mindy! ” said Bianca. “Ssssshhh.”
    “I just meant that when you send one twin to boarding school and keep the other one at home with you, it could mean that — ”
    “Mindy!” said Bianca. “Shut up.”
    But it’s true, thought Mary Lee. It was Mary Lee they disposed of. Now they just have to dispose of her again.
    She began shivering, waves of cold passing through her and over her, as if she were sea water, going through a tide. Bianca yanked a blanket off her bed and wrapped her in it. “Poor Maddy,”