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that’s like saying that jumping off a high rise is quicker than using a lift. Thanks for the thought, though.”
    “Don’t mention it. Anyway, we’re here now, you can get in the shade. I suggest you pop behind that bush though and do a bit of natural stuff before you enter.”
    “Yes, I’ve been holding that one off. I don’t know how it will be. I haven’t been yet. Is it the same?”
    “How do I know? I’ve never been a tortoise! Do you want me to have a look at what you have back there?”
    “No I bloody well don’t, thank you very much. I’ll go and do it alone. I am sure nature’s designed it so it’s not pointing in my face.”
    Ed slinked off behind the bush and quickly did his thing before heading back over to Sam. Exposing himself to the elements in such openness seemed strangely comforting, dropping off his parcels without any toilet paper or bidet to finish up with. It did little to hide the smell though, intriguingly scented and evocative.
    “That’s incredible, it did smell like flowers. That is one improvement on the human situation for sure.”
    “Yeah, but it’s not always the case, trust me on that,” said the fox shyly as he headed down into the lair, followed by the tortoise.
    It wasn’t all that deep, but was enough to give protection from the elements and any aggressive beasts that might fancy an impromptu vulpine snack. It was surprisingly spacious with twigs and leaves scattered around, adding a degree of comfort in spite of the circumstances. The fox lay down, slightly on his side, his head peering back over his body with the brush wrapped around preventing any nasty draughts.
    “Don’t suppose you have room service?” uttered Ed before taking up his position opposite the fox.
    “I’ll go and get something later for both of us. There are a couple of small shops through the bushes which are easy to raid.”
    “Where are we?”
    “Definitely somewhere in the UK . Home Counties I’m guessing, but I’ve only been here a day longer than you.”
    “Right, that means you’ll leave a day before me, presupposing everything you say is true.”
    “Well if it wasn’t true it would be one amazing pointless story. Christ knows I wish it wasn’t true. I’ve been through numerous transitions and it doesn’t get any easier. Worst of all is not knowing what sort of revelation one is looking for, and beyond that, what would happen if I had it.”
    “Could it be some sort of eternal sin thing? I was a bit religious and loosely held some beliefs along those lines.”
    “I don’t think so, although I wouldn’t rule anything out. I was not religious at all. That’s the difference between us right there. Maybe you were praying to the wrong one? Got to the gates of heaven and Shiva was there instead of St Peter. That would be a shock if you’d spent your life believing in Christ,” announced the fox.
    “Yeah, wouldn’t it be. In retrospect, it might have been more beneficial spending my time watching Animal Planet and National Geographic.”
    “Are you a Christian, a Muslim, Hindu? What did you believe in?”
    “I was Christian, Church of England. Not fanatical, but a regular church goer.”
    “Was?” enquired the fox.
    “Well I’m dead aren’t I? Anyway, I honestly don’t know. Church of the living tortoise? I don’t think so. Turning me into a reptile wasn’t the best way to ensure continued loyalty.”
    “I’m with you on that one. How religious were you?”
    “Not massively but I was swayed by social pressure and conformity. I liked to have that comforting belief that there was something out there much bigger than me that I could hold out a hand to and ask for help. Now I can do that in reality, it turns out to be a fox ten times my size.”
    “I personally find it a little odd to worship something that’s completely impossible to verify scientifically? Even if there had been proof, I wouldn’t have been a follower.”
    “Even if it was proven? Why