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ABANDONED
    Vanessa Finaughty
    Smashwords Edition
     
    Copyright 2011 Vanessa
Finaughty
    Cover: Alic
Finaughty
     
     
     
    Smashwords Edition,
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Abandoned
    Vanessa Finaughty
     
     
    The evening was dismal,
much like my mood. Cold, windy, and the sky threatening rain. I
stumbled along streets in areas I didn’t know well. Eyes focussed
on the passing pavement, I scratched the itching
stubble on my chin, and then stuffed my hands deep into my
coat pockets again. I snapped out of my thoughts as I approached a
dilapidated building. I’m not sure what exactly forced me to pay
attention to this particular construction; I had passed many that
evening without so much as a glance. Maybe it
was because it looked the same way I felt. Abandoned.
    Pausing, I looked up at
a young child staring down at me from a third- storey window. Eyes covered by a mop of dark hair
hanging over a thin face, the child smiled at me. A feeling of
intense sadness washed over me then, and I was irrationally
convinced that this little person and the foetus that I had
possibly murdered earlier that day were one and the same.
    My heart beat a little
faster, and I reminded myself that Claire deserved to lose the
child, if, in fact, she had lost it. All I had done was
drain the brake fluid in her car. She’d been feeling ill when I
left, though, so she’d probably not even gone to work. I admit that
I gained a small amount of perverse pleasure from her being ill. My
girlfriend, but not my baby… So what did I care either way?
    I blinked and the small
face was gone . My eyes wandered over the
building again, confirming that it had to be abandoned. Peeling
paint, marred further by graffiti, some broken windows on the two
upper levels, and a surprisingly unbroken, although dirty, glass
entrance door. A faded and rusting sign above the entrance told me
that this had once been a hotel.
    My mind filled with
thoughts of exploring the building, although I didn’t want to enter the building. I was depressed and irritable. I recalled a
song about having someone else’s soul and face, and wanted nothing
other than to climb out of my body and into someone else’s. I
wanted out of my life.
    A few hours ago, Claire
had told me that she had been having an affair… and was pregnant. I
should probably point out that she hadn’t let me touch her in over
a year. To add insult to injury, she was leaving me for the other
guy. Now I had nothing left to live for. She had also told me that
the stupid cat she had recently acquired had been a gift from ‘the
other man’ and not something she had rescued from the animal
hospital. One last slap in the face. As if having another man’s
baby wasn’t bad enough.
    Thunder rumbled
ominously above and I found myself standing right outside the
entrance to the building, with no recollection of actually walking
there. Was I acting on a subconscious desire to explore the
building and find the child? I was drawn to the building in a way I
could not explain. I was the negative and the building the
positive… Magnetised, I was compelled to enter, albeit
unwillingly.
    A strong gust of wind
caused me to lose my balance for a second. The sky seemed darker,
and I glanced around to find myself still alone in the street.
Alone and far from home. Home? I scoffed at the thought. It wasn’t
home anymore. I blinked my tears away before I lost control of my
emotions – I preferred numbness to pain. I hated her for her
betrayal, but I still loved her. I wanted her back. I might forgive
the past if only I could hold her in my arms just one more time….
Wiping my nose on my