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Brothers), how could I say no?
    “HE DOESN’T CALL ME, I DON’T CALL HIM. I CONSIDER THIS A TIE.”
    After a few hours, he’s playing guitar for me and I attempt to do the right thing by asking him what time it is, making excuses
     about having to work the next day. But Eilerman shakes his head. “I’m not telling you,” he says.
    “Because?…”
    “Because if I tell you what time it is, you’ll leave.”
    Five minutes later we’re rolling around on his Murphy bed. No, we don’t do it; I have a sliver of restraint.
    Postdate Phone Status: Did I mention that Eilerman has an ex-girlfriend he’s obsessed with?
No?
Well, nobody told me either. Imagine my surprise when he told me he “just got out of a serious relationship.”
    I did what any self-respecting girl would do: Said I never wanted to see him again, then we went on a few more dates, had
     sex half a dozen times and, after listening to him rehash their endless arguments (“And I was like, ‘What do you mean I never
     wash the towels? You’re the one who decided we should each
do our own chores!
’ ”), I really
did
never see him again.
    DATE FOUR: ETHAN DAVIES, THE WEB DESIGNER
    How We Meet: I’m waiting for my car after dinner at Itacho in Hollywood, and he strikes up a conversation. He mentions that he has a pit
     bull named Dixon whom he takes hiking every weekend in Runyon Canyon.
    Stats: Cute. Brown hair, brown eyes. A little dumber than me. (Question from Ethan: “Like, do you follow the news much?” Answer
     from Ben: “Well, I
am
a journalist…” Response from Ethan: “Oh, yeah. Cool.”)
    The Date: I meet Davies at the base of the hiking trail. The dog is
amazing
. Doesn’t tug at the leash, does fetch. I basically decide that Ethan is a dog-training genius and fantasize about future
     brunches with him and Dixon. But then he tells me that his last girlfriend of three months broke up with him after he proposed
     marriage. He later found out she was seeing another guy the whole time. “Wait,” I say, “why were you asking a girl to marry
     you when you’d only known her for three months?”

    4. The Web Designer: Looking for love
    “She was from Australia, and she was having a problem with her green card so I thought I’d help her out. Of course, she still
     owes me about two grand.”
    Postdate Phone Status: Nonexistent. Davies is one of those rare guys who would do
anything
to be in a relationship, which is why nobody wants to be in a relationship with him.
    DATE FIVE: DAVID JETTER, THE SCREENWRITER
    How We Meet: We’re introduced by the aforementioned Evan Katz, who produced Jetter’s first feature,
Geek Out,
which he pitched as “
Rushmore
meets
Road Trip
.”
    5. The Screenwriter: Enormously endowed?
    Stats: Katz cited Jetter’s “enormous endowment” as his main selling point. I accused Katz of sampling the goods, but he claimed
     to have heard it from an ex-girlfriend.
    The Date: Jetter takes me to a Thai restaurant famous for its singing Elvises. It’s fun, although Jetter is a strict vegetarian, which
     means we don’t want the same things to eat and this leads to tense ordering negotiations. Even worse, I start to notice a
     pattern. In the parking lot, the attendant asks for four dollars, and Jetter looks at me and asks if I have singles. “Of course,”
     I say, handing him four ones. When the check comes at dinner, he asks, “Do you mind if we split this?” tallies up my portion,
     but
doesn’t
deduct his share of the parking. By the time we get to the candy counter before a movie, and Jetter starts to say, “Do you
     happen to have a …” I just interrupt, “Don’t worry, I got it.” By the end of the evening, I’m out thirty-two dollars; Jetter’s
     up thirteen.
    “INCAPABLE OF GETTING THE HINT (OR PICKING UP THE CHECK) JETTER STILL CALLS NOW AND THEN.”
    Postdate Phone Status: Incapable of getting the hint (or picking up the check) Jetter still calls now and then. Whenever he asks if I want to