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the defendant’s wife had died from shock after he shot her in the shoulder with a shotgun. Shortly before lunch, Amanda noticed an innocuous-looking brown envelope buried under some papers. She became curious and opened the flap. The envelope contained a stack of photographs. When she turned the first one over, she almost passed out. In retrospect, this black-and-white photograph of a dead woman on an autopsy table had been rather tame. The only wound was in the victim’s shoulder. Without color, it was hard for Amanda to tell that she was seeing torn and mutilated flesh. Still, she had been dizzy and disoriented for the rest of the day.
    In the intervening years, Amanda had viewed photographs portraying every manner of cruelty that can be inflicted on a human being. Soon the most gruesome sights had no effect on her. Then the surgeon—a sadistic murderer—had entered her life. Policemen or medical examiners are sometimes viewed as callous by civilians who hear them cracking jokes while standing over a victim, but people who deal with violent death on a daily basis have to shield themselves from the horrors that they encounter, so they can continue to function. Amanda’s trauma had ripped away her shield.
    When Amanda opened her eyes, she saw where she was. She didn’t remember hiding in the corner. She had no idea how she’d gotten from her desk to the floor.
    Amanda parked in the basement garage of a converted red-brick warehouse in Portland’s Pearl District and took the elevator to her loft. It was twelve hundred feet of open space with hardwood floors, high ceilings, and tall windows that gave her a view of the metal arches of the Freemont Bridge, tankers churning the waters of the Willamette River, and the snow-covered slopes of Mount St. Helens.
    Amanda double-locked her door and checked the apartment. It was irrational to think that someone was lurking inside, but she knew that she wouldn’t be able to relax until she made sure that she was alone. Amanda thought back to her equally irrational reaction to Toby Brooks. She had to stop being afraid of everything. Every person she met was not a monster.
    Amanda changed into sweats and went to her liquor cabinet. She was still upset by her reaction to the autopsy photographs and she needed a drink. The doorbell made her jump. Who . . . ? Then she remembered. She looked at her watch. How had it gotten so late? She peered through the peephole. Mike Greene was in the hall. He had a bouquet of flowers. Shit! What was she going to do?
    Mike had been the prosecuting attorney in the Cardoni case, and Amanda had gone out with the deputy district attorney a few times since its violent conclusion. Mike was a bear of a man, with curly black hair and a shaggy mustache. Despite having a body that made people think football or wrestling, he had never competed in any sport. Greene was a gentle soul who played tenor sax with a local jazz quartet and had a passion for chess. She knew that he also cared about her, but she found it impossible to make any kind of emotional commitment since her encounter with the surgeon.
    “Hi,” Mike said when Amanda opened the door. Then he saw the way she was dressed.
    “I’m sorry. I forgot we were going out.”
    Greene could not hide his disappointment. She felt terrible.
    “I’m not feeling well,” she said, only half lying. She felt drained and knew that she’d never have the energy to make it through their date. Greene’s shoulders sagged. The hand holding the bouquet dropped to his side.
    “What’s going on, Amanda?”
    She lowered her gaze, unable to look Mike in the eye.
    “I know I should have called.”
    “I thought you forgot about our date.”
    “Don’t cross-examine me,” Amanda snapped, angry at being caught in a lie. “We’re not in court.”
    “No, we’re not,” Mike said evenly. “There are rules in court. People have to follow them. You seem to be playing by your own rules when it comes to the two of us,