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Cooperation denied. Apocalypse Now ran into the same problem with semantics that Windtalkers did: the military balked at supporting a film that portrays it ordering one officer to kill another. Director Francis Ford Coppola refused to change the word “terminate” to “arrest” or “detain,” so the Pentagon withdrew their support. Coppola ended up having to rent helicopters from the Philippine Air Force. That cost a fortune and helped put the film months behind schedule…because the helicopters kept getting called away to battle Communist insurgents.
    40% of U.S. Army personnel are members of an ethnic minority.

HEADLINES
    These are 100% honest-to-goodness headlines. Can you figure out what they were trying to say?
    Factory Orders Dip
    S UN OR RAIN EXPECTED TODAY , D ARK TONIGHT
    P SYCHICS P REDICT W ORLD D IDN’T E ND Y ESTERDAY
    CAPITAL PUNISHMENT BILL CALLED “DEATH ORIENTED”
    C HICAGO CHECKING ON E LDERLY IN H EAT
    T IPS TO AVOID ALLIGATORS: D ON’T SWIM IN WATERS INHABITED BY LARGE ALLIGATORS
    Here’s How You Can Lick Doberman’s Leg Sores
    Coroner Reports on Woman’s Death While Riding Horse
    C HEF T HROWS H IS H EART I NTO H ELPING F EED N EEDY
    C INCINNATI D RY C LEANER S ENTENCED IN S UIT
    High-Speed Train Could Reach Valley in Five Years
    FISH LURK IN STREAMS
    KEY WITNESS TAKES FIFTH IN LIQUOR PROBE
    J APANESE S CIENTISTS G ROW F ROG E YES AND E ARS
    S UICIDE B OMBER S TRIKES A GAIN
    DONUT HOLE, NUDE DANCING ON COUNCIL TABLE
    P OLICE N AB S TUDENT WITH P AIR OF P LIERS
    MARIJUANA ISSUE SENT TO JOINT COMMITTEE
    Girl Kicked by Horse Upgraded to Stable
    KILLER SENTENCED TO DIE FOR SECOND TIME IN TEN YEARS
    C OURT R ULES B OXER S HORTS A RE I NDEED U NDERWEAR
    Nuns Forgive Break-in, Assault Suspect
    ELIMINATION OF TREES COULD SOLVE CITY’S LEAF-BURNING PROBLEM
    No wonder they’re skinny: lobsters can crawl as far as a mile a day looking for food.

UNCLE JOHN’S STALL OF FAME
    We’re always amazed by the creative way people get involved with bathrooms, toilets, toilet paper, etc. That’s why we’ve created Uncle John’s “Stall of Fame.”
    H onoree: Henry Pifer, a truck driver from Arkansas
    Notable Achievement: Standing up for the rights of workers who are sitting down…you know where
    True Story: In June of 1999 Pifer was hit by a coworker’s truck while he was at work. His injuries were serious enough that he had to take time off from his job, so he applied to the state Workers’ Compensation Commission for benefits…and was turned down. Reason: At the time of the accident, Pifer was returning from a bathroom break. “Doing your business” at your place of business doesn’t count as work, the commission concluded, because it is not an “employment service.” Your boss isn’t paying you to poop.
    Rather than take the decision sitting down, Pifer fought it all the way to the Arkansas Supreme Court…and won. In March 2002 the court ruled that Pifer’s bathroom break “was a necessary function and directly or indirectly advanced the interests of his employer.”
    Little Rock attorney Philip Wilson called the ruling “a landmark decision, because it’s the first time the Supreme Court has defined employment services with respect to going to the bathroom.”
    Honoree: The Toto Company of Japan, the world’s largest manufacturer of toilets and plumbing fixtures
    Notable Achievement: Creating the “Miracle Magic Pavilion”
    True Story: In 2002 Toto wanted to make a big impression at Japan’s Kitakyusyu Expo trade show, so they spent a lot of money making a promotional movie touting the company’s plumbing fixtures. Rather than just project it onto an ordinary boring movie screen, the company commissioned the “Miracle Magic Pavilion,” also known as the “Toilet Theater.” It’s just what it sounds like it is: a toilet so big