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again: Were there any more announcements?
    There were not, and on this note the meeting moved into executive session, which is beyond the scope of these minutes. The dispassionate secretary slid his chair back and rose, his wrist aching and his stomach rumbling. There were a few pleasantries to be dispensed with—a good-night here, a see-you-tomorrow there—and then he slipped into the hall and descended the ringing marble steps, wondering where Dean Brees was that evening.

Special Bulletin
    Tripoli College Office of Environmental Health and Safety
    Environmental Sustainability Initiative
    Invasive Species Alert: African Walking Ape (Homo sapiens)
     
    From its original home in central East Africa, this tropical creature has spread to every continent except Antarctica and has caused habitat destruction and the displacement or eradication of native species on an unprecedented scale. It threatens organisms across all ecological niches and has done irreparable environmental harm, destroying soil fertility, draining wetlands, contaminating waterways and groundwater supplies, causing deforestation and desertification, and initiating an irreversible process of climate warming that threatens to shift seasonal patterns even further.
    The African Walking Ape is a large-bodied social mammal with a hypertrophic brain and extremely dexterous forepaws, or hands. Adults range from about one hundred to three hundred pounds, although larger and smaller individuals have been observed. Its skin may be anywhere from a sandy cream color to a dark brown, and it is hairless except for a large tuft on the top of the cranium and smaller tufts beneath the arms and between the legs of mature animals. It exhibits marked sexual dimorphism, with males of the species typically larger, more aggressive, and more heavily muscled. Females have proportionally wider hips, narrower shoulders, and two prominent mammary glands on the upper thorax. It is easily distinguished from other apes and monkeys by its distinctive upright posture and enormous cranial capacity.
    The Walking Ape is omnivorous and can subsist for long periods on vegetable matter, but it is also a tenacious and irresistible predator. It has decimated fisheries in every ocean and eradicated megafauna in Australia, most of the Americas, and isolated islands across the globe. It also functions as a vector for other invasive species, clearing ground so that imported edible vegetation can flourish in traumatized areas. In addition, it “husbands” a number of animal species, including several birds, a number of other large-bodied mammals, and at least one species of social insect. The deliberate introduction of these species to virgin ecosystems is a further threat to native flora and fauna.
    Although the Walking Ape reproduces slowly, it is adaptable, aggressive, and long-lived. It is also unique among other large predators and omnivores in that it forms very large communities, sometimes consisting of several million individuals. It has learned to construct dwellings and body coverings which effectively reproduce the warm conditions of its original tropical home, and this has enabled it to establish a lasting presence in environments as hostile as the high arctic.
    Although the Walking Ape lacks claws and other obvious defenses, experience teaches that it should be regarded as extremely dangerous and approached, if at all, with great caution.

From: “Maggie Bell”
    To: “Chris Bell”
    Date: September 19, 2009, at 12:15 AM
    Subject: (no subject)
    Â 
    Mister C,
    I woke up this morning one minute before the alarm on my phone was supposed to go off, and the alarm tone (bell tower) was already running through my head. It’s terrible how the brain spends its time.
    Last night I got a little drunk with the dean of students! He’s living in a freshman dorm under an assumed name. Nobody seemed particularly bothered by this. He